(Sung to the tune of “Comedy Tonight”)

Something fiasco

Something disast-o

Something just tedious

A musical that bites!

(On) Broadway, it’s money

This time, not funny

You’ll flee the multiplex

This movie is a blight!

There’s Nathan Lane,

Why he so lame?

Hey, Susan Stroman, you get the blame

She’s the director

You’ll disrespect her

Notion that cinema’s like stage

Please move that camera

Try to earn your wage!

Matthew’s a robot

Uma’s a sexpot

Pratfalling everywhere

With all of their might!

They’re so frenetic

It’s anesthetic

Acting like tryptophan

You’ll sleep through the night!

Shtick that’s so broad

(It’s) funny-like, odd

Inviting wrath from comedy’s god

Will Ferrell’s Nazi

Isn’t so hotsy

But he beats the swishy, mincing gays!

Camping it so queerly

Redefining trite

Staging that’s static

Jokes from the attic

(Of) Borscht belt comedians

A masterpiece! (Yeah, right)

Numbers as hokey

As karaoke

“Springtime for Hitler” is

The only bit that’s right!

Yes it’s peculiar

How a familiar

Story that used to work

Can tumble from such heights

Broadway’s forgiving

(Of) gags that aren’t living

Theater’s so phony that

Your fancy takes flight.

Here’s news that’s grim:

This one’s so meek

Screen musicals get canceled next week.

After “Chicago”

There was a warm glow

Now it’s all over, say goodnight!

“Sweeney Todd” and “Les Miz,”

(in) turnaround, that’s showbiz!

“Mamma Mia” so dead,

Couldn’t get arrested

“Guys and Dolls”

Will take the fall

In 3-1-0

Because this blows

It tanks, it’s rank

Sinks, stinks-

Slapstick so thick the hicks won’t stick.

From bad to worse

Even in verse

“The Producers” moves like a hearse

Mildness and blandness

Mugging like madness

Who knew that “Rent” would win this fight?

Murdering a genre’s just not all right!

—

THE PRODUCERS

[*] (One star)

Great White Waste.

Running time: 127 minutes. Rated PG-13 (sexual humor). At the Ziegfeld,West 54th Street, between Sixth and Seventh avenues.