THE WASH [*]

Less than a wash.Running time: 95 minutes. Rated R (violence, sex, nudity, profanity, drug use). At the Empire, the Village East, the Harlem USA, others.

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BORING and desperately unfunny, “The Wash” is a vanity project for rapper Snoop Dogg that shares nothing more than the setting with “Car Wash,” the seminal 1976 comedy that made Richard Pryor a screen star.

Snoop, whose delivery of lines is sometimes so garbled they practically require subtitles, plays Dee Loc, a pot-smoking rogue who passes his hours “working” at an L.A. car wash by having sex with customers, selling drugs and pilfering supplies.

When his roommate Sean (Dr. Dre) gets fired from his job at Footlocker, the gun-toting owner of the Wash, Mr. Washington (a thoroughly wasted George Wallace) hires Sean as assistant manager – and Dee Loc’s boss.

There’s nothing resembling a plot until an hour in, when Mr. Washington gets kidnapped, a disgruntled employee shoots up the joint – and Snoop’s smarts save the day.

Lions Gate Film opened “The Wash” without advance critics’ screenings, and small wonder.

The writing and direction (by D.J. Pooh) is amateurish as the murky cinematography and the acting.

The only exceptions among the performers are Mr. Pooh – who is mildly amusing as a moronic kidnapper – and Angell Conwell, who stands out in a small role as a cashier.