Loath though I am to expose any political leader without first giving him a chance to lay down some hush money on me, I cannot hold my tongue one minute longer with regard to Jeb Bush’s stance on dwarf tossing.
The Florida governor, in a move in which he not only thumbs his nose at the Constitution but pokes it in the eye, has refused to repeal a law prohibiting this great American pastime.
The issue came to a head last month after Dave “The Dwarf ” Flood, a 3-foot 2-inch entertainer who lives at P.O. Box 758 in Tampa, filed suit against the Sunshine State.
Flood alleged that the state’s so-called “midget dignity” law makes it almost impossible for people like him to earn a living during those months when the circus isn’t in town.
(Dwarfs, incidentally, prefer the term “little people” to “midgets,” which they find offensive. Midgets, on the other hand, find the term “dwarfs” offensive. So before chatting with either group, it’s best to consult a diagram.)
Now, for anyone unfamiliar with dwarf tossing – or too young to recall Ross Perot’s last presidential campaign – it’s done typically in drinking establishments, such as bars and day-care centers.
First, the dwarf is strapped into a yellow safety harness, because he looks much funnier that way. Patrons then swing him to and fro before tossing him across the tavern, where – depending on the patron’s level of sobriety – he lands either on an air mattress or ceiling fan.
Whoever hurls the dwarf the farthest wins a Kewpie doll, which doubles as a home version of the game.
At five dollars a toss, dwarfs earn up to $200 a night – more if the pre-game show includes dwarf tipping.
By denying little people such gainful employment during the worst economic downturn in decades, Governor Bush is setting a dangerous precedent.
If other states follow suit, how long before dwarf tossing is forced underground?
Imagine having to sneak around back alleyways at midnight in a less-than-stylish hat and fake mustache looking for a guy named Knuckles.
Then imagine having to cough up a C-note for just one toss of a dwarf across a dimly lit basement and onto a pile of dirty socks.
That is, assuming you get an actual dwarf and not, as is often the case in less civilized countries, a shaved pit bull in overalls and sneakers.
Before you know it, dwarf-tossing syndicates could outpace Microsoft in terms of ill-gotten gains, with just pennies going to the dwarfs themselves.
To help prevent such a chilling scenario, I’ve organized a sit-in next Saturday on the governor’s lawn in Tallahassee.
Dwarfs will be tossed throughout the day at a special protest price of $4.50 a pop, with all proceeds going directly to my Campaign for a Shorter Tomorrow.
E-mail your comments to: precchia@nypost.com.
