NFL substance-use busts have become so commonplace that unless the guy’s a star or plays for a local team, they’ve become what-else-is-new? sports section filler, a box toward the back, near the used-car ads.

We read ’em, two, three times per week: A player, generally a fellow with a body that exceeds the natural limits of reasonable physiology, is suspended after testing positive for a banned substance.

And often he (and/or his agent) claims that he has no idea how that stuff got in his system. Or that the findings constitute a false positive.

Yeah, sure, tell it to the judge.

And that was pretty much how it looked in newspapers around the country on March 28 – if the news made the cut – when free-agent running back Mike Cloud, Priest Holmes’ backup with the Chiefs, last season, was suspended.

Additionally, with Cloud now suspended for the first four games of the season, the Chiefs made it clear that they wanted no further part of him. Of course, had Cloud been a star, the Chiefs might’ve indulged him.

But either Cloud, a five-year pro out of Boston College, is a superb liar or he’s the innocent victim of the NFL’s inflexible banned substance policy.

MSG’s “Angles” last week made for an intriguing watch as the network’s NFL insider Jay Glazer, host Al Trautwig and Cloud explored Cloud’s downward career turn since he was found to have violated the league’s steroid policy.

Cloud, who recently signed with the Pats for near the salary minimum, claimed – and very convincingly – that the protein supplement he took did not have the banned substance listed as an ingredient.

Cloud’s position sounded and looked credible. He seemed sincere and bright, both cognizant and respectful of the rules. And if he’s juicing, at 5-10, 200, it’s not working. Even his neck appeared to be of standard human proportion.

Cloud’s position was actually strengthened by the appearance, on “Angles,” of an NFL drug compliance officer who seemed sympathetic, stating that Cloud’s claim might hold merit. But, he added, the bottom line remains: He’s suspended.

* By now, given his track record for poor sports prognostications, one would think that, in addition to his imperiously delivered predictions, Mike Francesa would tack on a little good-faith, self-deprecating humor, something along the lines of, “But don’t forget, I’m often wrong but never in doubt.”

Last Friday, Francesa haughtily handicapped the Yanks-Red Sox series that would begin that night.

The Yanks, he said, would be in for big trouble in Game 1 because they had to face Pedro Martinez. A logical assessment. Martinez, however, pitched fairly well and the Yanks won the game long after he was gone.

Game 2, said Francesa, would find the Yankees beating up on Red Sox starter John Burkett. Fair enough. Burkett, however, pitched well and the Red Sox won.

Game 3, said Francesa, would be another Red Sox win because the Yanks were pitching Jeff Weaver. Francesa then mocked Weaver as hardly the kind of pitcher one would want to start the rubber game of a big series. However, although the Yanks lost the lead and the game after he was removed, Weaver pitched more like Pedro Martinez than had Pedro Martinez.

And so Monday, when Francesa returned to the air and addressed the Yanks-Red Sox series, one might’ve thought that he’d have been eager to confess that he could not have been more wrong about all three games. And the one guy who might’ve thought that would’ve been wrong.

* Ch. 5 News’ sports anchor John Discepolo continues to decorate his reports with fantastic nonsense.

Wednesday night, after reporting that the Angels had released pitcher Kevin Appier, Discepolo, over a clip of Derek Jeter getting a hit in that night’s game in Anaheim, said, “and that [Appier’s release] gave Derek Jeter some extra fuel for the fire, tonight.”

What? Jeter was all pumped up by the news that Appier – with a 5.63 ERA, no less – was released? Why?

* Someone up in Bristol should tell anchor Stuart Scott that a pitcher and catcher – not two pitchers – comprise the “battery.” On ESPN’s “SportsCenter” Monday, Scott, very slickly, of course, reported that Yankee reliever Chris Hammond is Jeff Weaver’s “battery mate.”

Lookalikes: Yankee first baseman Nick Johnson and actor Chazz Palminteri . . . Purists beware: CBS has added Chris Russo to its U.S. Open tennis team.