DOWN and down and down we go. Where we’ll stop, it’ll be too late to know. Another week in the express lane to hell:
Fox baseball analyst and former MLB manager Kevin Kennedy made a guest appearance on the HBO series “Arliss” this past Sunday night at 9:30.
“Arliss,” about a do-anything-for-a-buck sports agent, doesn’t need nudity or excessive profanity to tell its stories. But because cable allows nudity and excessive profanity, “Arliss” sells its stories through gratuitous nudity and gratuitous crudity.
In fact, “Arliss” is currently being promoted through a raunchy ad campaign, aimed at the crotch, of course, in newspapers, magazines and even on signage that appears around town. It’s ambush advertising, designed to be obscene and seen by everyone – kids, too – whether they like it or not.
How proud the HBO folks must be to have decorated our fair city in such a way.
If I were Kennedy’s agent, I would have strongly advised Kennedy not to appear on “Arliss.” What’s the upside? A few bucks? Then again, Arliss is about an anything-for-a-buck agent.
If I were Kennedy’s boss at Fox, I wouldn’t have allowed him to appear on “Arliss.” Then again, promotion, especially on a competing network, supersedes all the good senses.
Kennedy’s script called for him to curse, words beyond both the pale and the pail. And Kennedy, playing himself, spoke his lines perfectly.
In other words, just as the catch line in the show’s omnipresent ad campaign is too vulgar to quote here, what a Fox sportscaster rehearsed and said on national TV, in primetime on a Sunday, no less, is too vulgar to be printed here. How nice.
But perhaps someone out there in Young, Male Demographic Land, now thinks Kennedy is one cool, down-and-dirty dude. And that makes it all worthwhile.
Also appearing in last Sunday’s “Arliss” was ESPN “SportsCenter” anchor and LPGA telecast host Linda Cohn.
ESPN is currently trying to live down a legacy of sexual harassment of female employees. As chronicled in a recent book, male employees have been suspended or fired for treating female co-workers as sex objects. The book exposes anchor/event host Mike Tirico as a recovering stalker.
ESPN, for the longest time, has made sexual-sensitivity training sessions mandatory for all employees. Women, these sessions instruct, are not bimbos; they weren’t hired to serve the prurient interests of male employees.
Cohn, holding an ESPN microphone and playing herself, appeared in Sunday’s “Arliss,” a show that sexually exploits women as a matter of gratuitous design and commerce.
That Cohn chose to appear on “Arliss,” that ESPN allowed her to appear – again, promotion has become the highest of priorities – hardly rhymes with what’s taught at ESPN’s sexual-sensitivity training sessions.
And other ESPN anchors have appeared or are scheduled to appear on “Arliss.” In fact, perceived hipness and promotion for promotion’s sake have inspired otherwise high-roaders – Bob Costas, Al Michaels, Frank Deford – to guest roles on “Arliss,” a show that high-road journalists would assiduously avoid.
Apparently, Costas and Michaels weren’t sufficiently embarrassed by lending their names and presence to the low-brow movie “Baseketball.”
And that ain’t all. Cohn recently shot an ESPN promo in which she appears – barely – in a bathing suit. Sipping champagne. In a hot tub. Seated on the lap of Ram OL Orlando Pace. That’s journalism!
The promo appeared in print form in ESPN’s magazine and was supposed to appear in a TV version until ESPN wised up and killed it.
But the reality is stunning. Here we have ESPN, mandating sexual-sensitivity training for all employees in response to acts of sexual harassment of female employees, yet it’s systematically eager to portray one of its highest-visibility female anchors as a bimbo.
And what was Cohn thinking? A moderately caring female journalist would’ve read ESPN’s script and erupted in anger and disgust. She would’ve been appalled on her own behalf and on behalf of all women in the media, doubly so for women in the sports media.
Instead, Cohn disrobed, slipped into a bathing suit, then into a hot tub and on to the lap of a renowned ballplayer, someone she’s ostensibly charged to cover with her intellect as opposed to her body.
But once again, ESPN and its, ahem, journalists, have been caught in the act of targeting and inspiring its demographically preferred audience – young, desensitized, male wiseguys, the kind who make attending ballgames a bad idea. Little in sports or sports TV, today, is geared toward any other kind of customer. ESPN is the leader, but everyone else is in hot pursuit.
Fox Sports Net’s “Sports Geniuses,” a game show that’s pitched in promos carrying sexual images and innuendo, includes category titles that are, quite simply, obscene. For crying out loud, a sports trivia show is loaded with gratuitous sexual references. It can’t work any other way?
This past week, at noon on FSNY, a “Sports Geniuses” category was about athletes celebrated for having good hands. The category’s title was a crude street expression for masturbation.
That same day, I picked up ESPN, The Magazine to find a full page ad for Wendy’s fast-food chain. A photo appeared of a hamburger. The two-word, bold-lettered caption beneath the photo comprised a vulgar, sexual expression. Wendy’s, for Pete’s sake! Even Wendy’s!
And it was no accident that this particular ad appeared in a sports magazine that, like its partner TV networks, is aimed, not so much at sports fans, but at young, punkish males who are encouraged to see sports as a vehicle for antisocial behavior. A similar Wendy’s ad, but one carrying a clean message, currently appears in other magazines.
Goldberg, the pro wrestler in the employ of Ted Turner, made the rounds last week. He was the subject of a glowing piece in Sports Illustrated by Rick Reilly, a talented writer who frequently reminds us that we should do right by kids.
Goldberg also was the admired guest on “Regis and Kathie Lee.” Kathie Lee Gifford is a child-welfare activist who also regularly promotes pro wrestling, the most pornographic, violent and popular kid-favored programming on TV. Even Goldberg recently complained that pro wrestling has become pornographic.
Goldberg has returned from a long layoff. He needed 196 stitches to close a wound in his arm, something duly noted in SI and on “Regis and Kathie Lee.”
But the inspiration behind this happenstance went ignored. Goldberg needed 196 stitches after he smashed his arm through a limousine window. He performed this heart-warming skit on national TV for the entertainment pleasure of children.
The stunt had nothing to do with wrestling, only graphic, twisted violence. Over-the-top violence is what makes Goldberg so popular among kids that last week he was featured – lovingly – in SI and on “Regis and Kathie Lee.”
And Vince McMahon’s XFL is coming. On NBC.
But pitiful John Rocker, a young, desensitized knucklehead – the very kind of person the media and their partners try to create, encourage and profit from – stands today as the media’s symbol of pure evil.
And we sit and watch the evening news, and we’re shocked. Every day we’re shocked to see children prosecuted as adults for committing crimes that once were the exclusive domain of desensitized adults.
