Hondo’s five-team parlay card crashed and burned right out of the gate yesterday when Penn State failed to cover the allotment. Then came his ALCS loss with the Tigers and suddenly the darn DURN (disgustingly ugly red number) ballooned to a beefy 3,025 hams.

Today, Mr. Aitch will try the parlay game again: 20 units on a collective win by the Steelers, Ravens and Bears.

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Experts say sanitary issues could cause a health crisis among the Occupy Wall Street protesters at the Zuccotti Park whiz- and dump-fest. With the un employment crisis one of their areas of concern, some enterprising dissident probably could find work and make a killing by investing in a pooper- scooper and charging park dumpers for fecal-matter removal.

hondo@nypost.com