THE NBA playoffs were dull? The Spurs and Nets should be picked up for loitering? These finals were a literal turnoff, like watching the paint in the paint dry?

Well, ya don’t say! But where ya been?

The dreadfully decaffeinated NBA playoffs are nothing more or less than the logical conclusion to what the NBA game has become – the minimalist, motionless game that reflects modern coaching mindsets that boil games down to games of two-on-two or one-on-one.

It’s a pity, too, because both the Spurs and Nets have players well worth watching and rooting for – if only their sneakers were used for running, as opposed to standing around while the 24-second clock winds down and the teams take the same shot that they could’ve taken many seconds before.

The NBA desperately needs coaches who are bold enough to coach something other – something better – than rebound, hand-it-to-the-point guard, then walk-it-up basketball.

Are centers no longer allowed to throw quick outlet passes after defensive rebounds? Or would teammates be too shocked to catch them? Do teams play better defense than before or is it that players on offense now find their man on defense instead of vice versa?

On most possessions, four to six of the 10 men on the court appear to be operating with the tacit understanding that they’re unlikely to be involved in the play until a rebound is at stake. Movement to “get free” has been replaced with movement to “get position.”

And the quick, mid-range jump shot off the one-touch pass is a mostly lost art, perhaps the victim of the three-point shot but more likely the result of coaching that has rendered such skills and attractive play obsolete. Heck, if you wanna see turnaround jumpers, don’t miss warm-ups.

What made this year’s Mavs-Kings series a relatively attractive one? Could it be that both teams often chose to run instead of walk?

NBA players never have been faster nor more gifted, yet you can witness better movement with and without the ball – better winning basketball – in black and white clips of 1950s games between the Rochester Royals and the Syracuse Nationals.

Sure, the NBA’s marketing strategists have included loud halftime concerts during the finals. Ya gotta wake people up.

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NBC’s contention, early in yesterday’s U.S. Open telecast, that Tiger Woods, 11 strokes back, was “still in it,” was absurd. That Johnny Miller, who shot 63 in the final round to win the ’73 Open, lent his support – as opposed to his usual candor – to such a sell was particularly disappointing. Woods, even if he shot 62, would still have had to pass 23 players.

Speaking of Woods, it’s interesting how his bad shots are almost invariably followed by an angry glare at the gallery. Interesting, too, is how the on-course TV reporter then almost invariably reports that, “Something or someone must’ve distracted Tiger.”

And even more interesting is that the on-course TV reporters, just a few feet from Woods, often can’t tell us what distracted Tiger because they didn’t hear or see a thing.

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Tom Seaver, during Thursday’s Met game on Ch. 11, noticed that Rangers’ starter, rookie Colby Lewis, came set at the belt before throwing breaking pitches, while fastballs were preceded by sets well above his beltline. Then, for as long as Lewis lasted – 21/3 innings and six earned runs – viewers knew what pitch was coming.

ESPN golf analyst Andy North last week picked Jim Furyk to win the Open . . . Why, with Monday Night Football sideline reporter Melissa Stark on maternity leave, are women the only reported candidates to replace her?

Once again, viewers of The Golf Channel needed no introduction to players who were in need of introductions. Open contender, Australian Stephen Leaney, for example, is regularly seen playing – and very well – on TGC’s coverage of the European Tour . . . Spike Lee has sued the U.S. Volleyball Assn. and the North American Horse Shoe League, claiming unauthorized use of the word, spike.

Great coverage by NBC yesterday of Tom Watson likely playing his last hole with his ALS-stricken caddie, Bruce Edwards . . . ESPN’s live Open coverage was comically diminished by pathetic cross promotions in the form of reminders that Woods and Ernie Els are ESPY Award nominees.

Red Sox broadcaster Joe Castiglione, who grew up a Yankee fan, was the first to interview Roger Clemens in 1984, after his first win. Last week, Castiglione’s son, Duke, a Ch. 2 sportscaster who grew up a Red Sox fan, was the first to interview Clemens after his 300th win.