“I’m thinking of a number between zero and none.”

“Is it one?”

“Well, yes, often it is one. It depends. Any other guesses?”

“Two?”

“It can be two. Again, depends on the circumstances.”

The new hot expression — up there with “drug deal gone bad,” “score the basketball” and “our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families” — is “zero tolerance policy.”

Everyone seems to be very clear and very proud to declare they have a shiny, new zero tolerance policy. Their previous tolerance policy? Was it 5 percent, 20 percent, “some tolerance,” depends-on-who? No one thinks to ask.

Earlier this week, Alabama expelled Jonathan Taylor, a 6-foot-4, 335-pound football player who coach Nick Saban granted “a second chance” after he was dismissed from Georgia after a little matter of a felony arrest for being accused of beating, then choking his girlfriend in a Georgia dorm. Yep, a domestic assault gone bad.

I don’t know what Georgia’s tolerance percentage is, but Taylor previously had been given a second chance following a campus arrest for theft.

Saban is a big proponent of extending what he calls “second chances” — at least to those who can help him and Alabama win football games.

Not sure how he feels or deals with the victims of full scholarship players who need second chances, but it seems that a second chance to be a victim would not be in their best interests. Regardless, they no doubt are in his thoughts and prayers.

Saban announced that Taylor had been 86ed after he was arrested in Alabama and charged, again, with assaulting a girlfriend. The woman has since recanted her claim, but not before Saban explained Taylor’s dismissal as his having violated the coach’s and the school’s “zero tolerance policy.”

That inspired reader Jerry Poulka to scratch his head, thus starting at the top because people such as Saban “make my skin crawl. … If there’s a zero tolerance policy then Taylor wouldn’t have been there in the first place!”

OK, so maybe zero means just this once, or until next time. Alabama’s zero tolerance policy, at least for football players and those who can “score the basketball” — the Crimson Tide did not dismiss a basketball player after his 2013 arrest in a kidnapping to which he eventually took a plea deal and testified for the prosecution — is unclear.

Also this week, Saban dismissed two others from the team: running back Tyren Jones, when he was arrested for possession of pot and digital scales after he was pulled over for speeding, and defensive back Geno Smith, after he was arrested for DUI.

Saban’s zero tolerance policy at work? Well, again, it depends. Both players previously had been suspended, Smith for an earlier DUI, Jones “for conduct not to the standard of the Alabama football program.”

So Alabama’s zero tolerance policy is vague. The only thing we know for sure is that it’s not zero.

And zero tolerance policies being what they are, perhaps Jones and Smith (or is it alias Smith and Jones?) will wind up playing at Georgia, to where Taylor was first recruited, then twice arrested. But who’s counting?

Sure, it’s easy to get on Jimmy Dolan. Very easy.

Ending with the 1993-94 season, the three NBA regular seasons before Dolan and Cablevision had anything to do with The Garden other than to prevent the MSG Network from appearing on Cablevision systems, the Knicks were 168-78, 68 percent successful.

In the seven years that followed — the Jeff Van Gundy years, when full control of the Knicks was gradually being passed to Dolan — the Knicks were 327-215, 60 percent.

Since the 2001-02 season, when Don Chaney replaced Van Gundy and the team was fully under Dolan’s control, the Knicks are 462-663, 41 percent. They have lost 201 more regular-season games than they have won, a 68 percent winning percentage reduced to 41 percent.

Isn’t it time Dolan was kicked downstairs?

Meanwhile, why the fuss over The Garden forcing fans who want to buy Rangers playoff tickets to buy tickets to Liberty games?

The Dolans have been performing such “bundling” acts for decades — in order to buy something you want, you have to purchase something you don’t want. That’s the beauty of monopolies! That’s the beauty of generous contributions of your cable fees to political campaigns, the beauty of the enormous cable TV lobby!

Under Dolan that “facility fee” was introduced at the Garden’s box office. It’s straight out of the “Getta you tootsie-frootsie ice cream!” tout bit between Groucho Marx and Chico Marx in “A Day At The Races.”

You want to buy a ticket to a Garden event? Fine. That’ll be, say, $75. “Thanks for your purchase and have a nice day. By the way, that ticket doesn’t allow you to enter the Garden for that event. There’s an additional ‘facility fee.’ ”

Given that the quickest, straightest line to Division I coaching success is to travel a crooked path — operate without a conscience — Chris Mullin, new St. John’s coach, seems doomed.

It has nothing to do with coaching; it has everything to do with recruiting and maintaining the eligibility of his recruits and observing the rules of the road.

Mullin, his associates and mentors both know and worry, has a conscience. He not only knows right from wrong, he’s inclined to choose the former.

Most longtime recovering substance addicts wouldn’t otherwise be in recovery.

To the consternation of win-at-all-costs yahoos, such right-over-wrong coaches would not join the mad chase for kids who would place their and St. John’s name in disrepute. It’s not a coaching issue; it’s an integrity issue. Can Mullin avoid being drowned in the cesspool?

The pay per view cost of the Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao fight will be a shameless $100. So, you don’t eat that week. Or at two bucks a head, you can have 50 friends over.

On Thursday, a sports TV executive said, “At that price it’s amazing that Don King isn’t involved.” But he is … in spirit.

For no other apparent reason than that he’s a hype artist who shouts at everything, Kevin Harlan has been named CBS’ boxing blow-by-blow man.

Based on statistical graphics that endlessly intrude on basketball telecasts, reader Brian Y. correctly reasons players are being given two points for some field goals when they deserve six: “Two for scoring in ‘transition,’ two for scoring off turnovers, two for scoring ‘in the paint.’ ”