PITTSBURGH – The uneasy relationship between Teemu Selanne and Darryl Sutter reached new proportions last week when the San Jose coach blasted the unhappy winger in front of his teammates immediately following the team’s 5-3 loss to the Rangers, Slap Shots has learned.

“I don’t care if you get into your Porsche and drive back down to Anaheim right now,” Sutter quack-quacked in the locker-room tirade directed at the one-time Mighty Duck.

Selanne, who does lead his team with 13 goals, has made no secret of his frustration playing in a Sutter system that allows little space for creativity and imagination. The winger, whose skills appear to have atrophied since being dealt to the strait-jacketed Sharks for Jeff Friesen and Steve Shields a week before last year’s trade deadline, will become an unrestricted free agent in July, and would welcome a way out of San Jose before then.

Selanne is among a unique group of potential Group III free agents who find themselves playing for contenders, thus making it far more difficult for their general managers to wheel them as rentals in exchange for packages of future goodies, as the Kings did last year with Rob Blake, as the Canadiens did two years ago with Vladimir Malakhov, as the Flames did three years ago with Theo Fleury.

In addition to Selanne, there’s Tony Amonte in Chicago; Bobby Holik in New Jersey; Billy Guerin and Byron Dafoe in Boston; Ed Belfour in Dallas; and, Fleury and Mike Richter on Broadway.

The dilemma: sacrifice a shot this year or get nothing at all for the future?

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The dysfunctional Devils are playing like a team that wants to get Larry Robinson fired, that’s become more obvious every day and every week. Which is only fairly amazing.

Maybe the guilty parties should go back and read what they had to say about Robinson in the press clippings last year and the year before that.

Or maybe that was the problem last June. Maybe the Devils spent too much time reading the clippings proclaiming them – prematurely, as it turned out – to be an all-time team.

And what, we ask plaintively yet again, is keeping Lou Lamoriello from putting a four-year, $28 million offer on the table for Holik before this unique asset skips out the door, quite possibly to put down roots in Manhattan?

Hey, that Petr Sykora has sure stepped up this season, hasn’t he?

Marty Brodeur: 229 games since the start of 1999-2000, 37 of 39 this season through Thursday, and counting.

And counting.

Insane.

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Dallas personnel man Doug Overton has been tailing the Rangers. The Stars, seeking toughness, like Sandy McCarthy. They’re not the only squad who’s expressed interest in the big winger, either.

But Glen Sather’s not at all anxious to deal McCarthy, extremely popular among his teammates, and who will have primary shotgun duties next Saturday afternoon in Philly.

Tampa Bay, meanwhile, maintains its season-long interest in Kenny Daneyko, who just may not get to retire as a Devil.

Informants across the continent report much unrest within the St. Louis locker room where alchemist Larry Pleau’s tinkering over the last 12 months has produced a combustible formula of discontent.

We’re told specifically that Doug Weight, whom the GM acquired from Edmonton on July 1 and then signed to a long-term extension worth about $8M per – in lieu of dealing for Dominik Hasek; hello? – is most unhappy.

And that the feeling within the organization is quite mutual.

So the Coyotes lose both Keith Tkachuk and Jeremy Roenick without missing a beat and we’re supposed to believe that doesn’t tell us anything?

Paul Kariya remains quietly simmering in Anaheim. But we’re assured by an individual close to the winger that he’ll remain quiet – at least until the end of the season, when his three-year, $30M contract expires.

Translation: if Disney hasn’t yet found a buyer by the time Kariya becomes a Group II free agent, he may well ask out.

Sorry, but I just don’t see what there is not to like about Eric Lindros.

Snapshot: Best bets to get out of the conference: East: 1. Boston; 2. Toronto; 3. Philadelphia. West: 1. Detroit; 2. Edmonton; 3. San Jose.

Amendment: Best bet to get out of the West if the Sharks fire Sutter and replace him with Pat Burns: 1. San Jose.

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Finally, Brian Burke told the Canucks that if they practiced on Christmas Day they wouldn’t have to play any games in the playoffs.