SHAQ-UP FOR SUNS
AT first shudder, Shaquille O’Neal’s relocation from one retirement village to another triggered the normal atypical knee-jerk reactions:
Are Suns owner Robert Sarver, team president Steve Kerr and coach Mike D’Antoni suffering from Heat stroke? I thought the idea was to acquire an expiring contract, not an expiring career?
Can Marcus Banks really be that undesirable?
Maybe O’Neal was acquired to keep up with Chris Webber?
I understand why the Lakers felt compelled to shoplift Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies in order to keep pace with the genius of Don Nelson. On the other hand, I’m unsure why the Suns felt compelled to forklift O’Neal.
What makes the Suns believe O’Neal will reboot in Phoenix and suddenly be programmed to do everything he was unable to do in Miami?
When was the last time a trade was contingent upon a player passing a physical administered by a coroner?
Since when did Lloyd’s of London talk cease and Paradise Valley become Lourdes?
When did Steve Nash’s miraculous passing become an overnight panacea for injuries, old age, lack of conditioning, being overweight, disincentive, foul-trouble and glacial speed?
Should basking in Nash’s glow not go as sketched and should The Big Arthritic continue to remind us of Patrick Ewing and Hakeem Olajuwon in their decided decline (two and four years, respectively), what’s Plan B?
Become John McCain’s running mate?
True to form, O’Neal is doing his best to convince constituents he’s far from done. That’s a nice story line, but it should be ignored; it’s more important to focus on healing the wound.
“In traditional basketball, when a team runs, there’s always been somebody to ignite the break,” O’Neal said. “When I get the rebound, I’m going to be igniting that break.”
That was The Big Arthroscopic prediction Wednesday night before being stowed away in an US Airways Center overhead compartment to watch his new team lose a 132-130, double- over time track meet to the Hornets.
The cactus crowd can only hope it’s not a lunch break.
At the same time, there is something to be said for the symmetry in the spelling of “desert” and “dessert.”
This just in: O’Neal is demanding a per diem for home games.
It’s not like I don’t appreciate what prompted the Suns’ mastodon move; despite a West-best record, their results versus conference playoff competition (5-10; 14-13 overall) doesn’t exactly inspire postseason confidence.
Their defects are clearly identifiable. So what does the team that stops no one in particular (fifth-worst, allowing a down-the-FM-dial-like 103.9 points) and sits dead last in rebounding differential (minus-5.9) do?
It trades Shawn Marion, simply the Suns’ superior defensive player (at any position), top rebounder, second swiftest runner, and most stable starter (he missed 12 games in eight previous seasons).
I don’t care how much of a pain in the posterior Marion is in the locker room. The man has averaged 18.6 (down three points and three shots this year) and 10 rebounds (currently 9.9) lifetime; that’s a whole lot of positive liquidity to lose.
If O’Neal can be propped up for 20-, 25-, or 30-plus minutes a night, I recognize his value and the added flexibility he brings at the offensive end, just as I recognize his free-throw inaccuracy earns him a seat on the bench in the final minutes of close games.
In other words, he’s not close to being Kareem Abdul-Jabbar at the conclusion of his career, as many proponents of the trade would have you believe.
Abdul-Jabbar never got hurt, except after punching a stanchion. He always was in shape thanks to an enduring commitment to yoga, eating well and absorbing only the finest herbs. And he shot .721 from the welfare line – and better in the clutch.
I know, I know, Abdul-Jabbar often didn’t run the floor near the end, but that was on offense. He was often still a factor on defense and got back in a hurry, especially when Magic Johnson brashly nagged him.
O’Neal’s transition defense never was anything to boast about. Will he run back now that he’s suddenly motivated to win a fifth championship? Is he capable of running back fast? How ironic that the way to beat the Suns is to run at them whenever O’Neal is in the game.
All in all, the trade is way too risky for my conservative blood and should’ve been too risky for a team that was a few missteps (from the bench) from potentially winning its first title a season ago.
Had the assistant coaches done what they’re trained to do in such impulsive situations, and restrained Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw from setting foot on the playing floor, the Suns would be defending that title with the same core, and management (prodded by Nash and Stoudemire when consulted) wouldn’t have been remotely tempted to “tinker.”
The unit of Nash-Stoudemire-Marion-Raja Bell-Diaw-Leandro Barbosa has been to the conference finals again and again. Consequently, anything short of an NBA title by management’s reconstruction crew will be judged a colossal disappointment.
If rings aren’t won this season what are the chances are of it happening when Nash and O’Neal and Grant Hill are a year or two older?
This just in: Shawn Marion feels disrespected by the Heat.
