YOU could almost hear Dean Wormer from “Animal House” announcing last week’s quarterback ratings. “Mr. Manning . . . Zero Point Zero.”
It’s hard to imagine things getting any worse for young Eli, but it very well could tomorrow against a Steeler defense that has allowed even fewer points than the Ravens and in front of what surely will be a surly Giants Stadium crowd.
Steelers have scored between 16 and 19 each of the last four weeks. Doesn’t leave much margin for error with a double-digit spread.
The pick: Steelers -10.
Redskins (-5) over 49ERS
One stupid Patrick Ramsey pass cost the Skins a chance to bump off the Eagles last week. Ramsey will find it easier against the defense of the Niners, who are a 2-11 in progress, as they used to say on “Adam-12.”
Panthers (+3)
over FALCONS
Rampaging Panthers need the game and Falcons, who have clinched NFC South, are so concerned about holding on to No. 2 seed and first-round bye that they told T.J. (4 TDs) Duckett to go have surgery and meet them in the playoffs.
SUNDAY
Seahawks (+61/2) over JETS
Two weeks ago, would have predicted 41-3 Jets, but Matt Hasselbeck has come out of his coma with a pair of 300-yard-plus games. Cold weather also shouldn’t bother Hawks, who nearly won at Lambeau last January. Jets should pull this one out and move to the brink of a playoff berth, but by an uncomfortable margin.
Cowboys (+121/2)
over EAGLES
Eagles have extensive injury list that includes Terrell Owens as questionable. And it’s unquestionable that Andy Reid will be careful, especially if the Falcons lose tomorrow and Birds have clinched home-field throughout.
LIONS (+3) over Vikings
The 7-6 Vikings could lose again and still be in prime position for a wild-card berth. It’s doubtful Joey Harrington will have to worry about Antoine Winfield, who has an ankle injury, and Kevin Jones very well could become first rookie in NFL history to rush for 150 yards for a third week in a row.
CHIEFS (+1) over Broncos
Larry Johnson “took the diapers off” with his two long TD runs and 104 yards in seven carries against the Titans’ translucent defense. This will be tougher, but out-of-it KC would like nothing better than to ruin Denver’s season.
BROWNS (+10)
over Chargers
Chargers have two-game cushion on Denver and no legit chance to get bye, so Marty Schottenheimer won’t take too many chances in the snow, especially with Tim Dwight and Keenan McCardell both questionable at WR.
BENGALS (+11/2) over Bills
Should be the most entertaining game of the week. Bengals scored 28 vs. Pats, almost double New England’s average points against this season. Jon Kitna would be fine if he starts for injured Carson Palmer. Bills are rolling at 7-6, but are 2-4 on road while Cincy’s 4-2 in the Jungle.
BEARS (-1) over Texans
Much like the Jags’ predicament, only worse in a way for the indoor, down-south Texans, who are out of contention and will be bracing for low 20s, wind and some snow at the Spaceship.
Saints (+71/2) over BUCS
Both teams are 5-8, so the TD-plus spread seems a little overexuberant, especially with Saints a respectable 3-3 on road. Bucs have won last two meetings by 3 and 7, but New Orleans won three in row before that.
CARDS (+3) over Rams
Cards lost to horrid Niners at home last week, but at least they ran some plays that worked in a 31-28 OT loss. Rams appear stuck with Chris (Six INTs) Chandler for another week.
PACKERS (-31/2) over Jags
Small spread for a late December game at Lambeau in which high winds, temps in low 20s and a little snow in forecast. Jags are smashmouth type team that won’t be intimidated, but this is asking a lot.
Titans (+21/2) over RAIDERS
This just in from Nashville . . . the Chiefs have scored another touchdown. Titans have given up 100 points in two weeks, 131 in this three-game losing streak, and 343 this season, which, remarkably, is still 20 fewer than the Raiders.
COLTS (-8) over Ravens
This is perhaps the worst kind of matchup for the Ravens. Even they would be lucky to hold Peyton Manning under 30 points on his likely record-breaking night. That means Kyle Boller will have to make plays. Lots of them.
MONDAY NIGHT
Patriots (-91/2)
over DOLPHINS
Pats will keep pounding away in hopes that Pittsburgh will relinquish No. 1 overall seed in AFC. And Charlie Weis will look to put up points to prove he’s still with the Pats’ program, which he undoubtedly is.
BEST BETS: Packers, Panthers, Cowboys
LAST WEEK: 4-12.
BEST BETS: 0-3.
