TAMPA – Only now can the Red Sox be fully known as the “Idiots.” Because only now is David Wells on their roster.
Wells opened his mouth Thursday and reporters were there, always a bad combination for the lefty. By the time he was done speaking as a Red Sox, Wells had made it obvious he yearns to be a Yankee and, as usual, he has as good a grip on reality as ever. Which is to say none. Unfortunately for Boomer, his ERA could never be as low as his IQ.
Wells said he offered up his services to the Yankees and sounded stunned they didn’t want him back. Perhaps all that beer he brags about consuming has begun to wipe away his memory – or conscience. So as a reminder, Dave, these were your last two acts as a Yankee employee:
1. Pulling out of Game 5 of the 2003 World Series after one inning with a bad back, a day after bragging you did not have to work out like Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.
2. Reneging on a handshake deal to return to the Yankees to sign for more money with the Padres.
Those acts cost the Yankees probably one and possibly two World Series titles, so, Dave, you cannot be exactly shocked if the folks at Legends Fields do not have open arms for you.
You also told reporters Thursday that Brian Cashman informed you the team wanted to inject youth into the rotation then added Randy Johnson. Besides skirting the issue that in the same timeframe they had to decide upon you, the Yanks did sign two 29-year-old free agents (Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright), you kind of miss the point on Johnson, as well. He is slightly better than you, Dave, in case you didn’t notice.
And, Dave, I just love how you parsed Alex Rodriguez’s words, faulting him for saying, ” ‘we’ in his [Yankee] introductory press conference, like he’s won three or four rings, when he hasn’t. And that kind of disturbed me because I would never put myself in a situation [like that].”
No, Dave, you always have been very careful with your words. Like that time when you got two teeth knocked out by a guy 9 inches smaller than you at 4 a.m. in an Upper East Side diner. You memorably called 911 and slurred to them, “I just got offended” then described your assailant as “a [bleeping] Italian, little squatty-body [bleep].” Man, you were always class around here, Dave. And by the way, you only have one World Series ring as a Yankee yourself, not three or four.
Here is what I know about Rodriguez: He won’t end up on a police blotter like you did, Dave, just weeks after initially signing with the Yanks. He will never be out of shape, though he might stupidly brag about his workouts. He will care deeply about winning and playing well every day, not wondering where the exit is on particularly humid, hungover days.
Strangely, even when the attacker was the credibility-challenged Wells, Yankees personnel yesterday did not exactly jump to Rodriguez’s defense, which means he probably has more problems in his own clubhouse than on the other side of the great rivalry. Joe Torre, captain Derek Jeter and key clubhouse voices Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera all have offered stronger backing of disgraced Jason Giambi than A-Rod.
If Wells damages himself by thinking too little about what he says (if he thinks at all), Rodriguez has hurt his public persona by seeming too calculated, too practiced in his choice of words. Still, if A-Rod’s greatest flaw is that he is a phony, then that is still not as damaging to the Yankees as Wells’ litany of missteps and Giambi’s fall from self-improvement to self-destruction. If Yankees players could find it in themselves to defend Wells and Giambi, then they should be able to muster a better fortress around Rodriguez.
Perfect he’s not, but Rodriguez also is no Idiot.
