Ever seen what an infant does to a bowl of spaghetti with chocolate pudding for a nightcap?

That’s what ESPN, at great expense, preparation, promotion and half-a-thimble’s thought, does to every sport it touches.

ESPN’s demolitionists went to work Saturday afternoon when its college football studio aired footage of a pregame Michigan-Michigan State turf war that resembled a prison-yard riot on the boil prior to the start of the sanctioned turf war between hate-fueled, adult-guided student-athletes.

When the group hassle ended, Michigan linebacker Devin Bush ripped free of his teammates’ restraints and, like a crazed, escaped beast, ran to the on-field Michigan State logo to tear and scrape at it with his cleats.

Disturbing, sick.

The reaction from the ESPN studio? Delight! Adnan Virk and Joey Galloway even laughed.

Pity they missed the really fun stuff. At roughly the same time in Burlington County, N.J., one of those now dime-a-dozen brawls exploded among coaches, parents and players at a youth league football game. The police were called, 911.

But again, that’s now so common it’s barely worth ESPN’s attention except for the laughter. It’s not worth mentioning that kids’ rec league and high school sports are running dry on trained game officials because they can’t suffer what sports, in the hands of new-breed, TV-nurtured young adults, have become.

During the North Carolina State-Clemson game on ESPN, a colorful bar graph showed N.C. State’s weekly increase in running yardage.

Week 3 showed the Wolfpack to have run for 125 yards against West Virginia.

Fascinating. There was no West Virginia-N.C. State game; it was lost to Hurricane Florence.

ESPN and ABC’s Penn State-Indiana game was appealing only because Indiana kept it close. With 1:53 left in the half, fourth-and-1 from Penn State’s 11, the Hoosiers chose to go for it, but with a perfection-demanding fade pass into the end zone. As opposed to kicking a field goal or trying to make a first down, it was a crazy call.

But moments later, when sideline man Todd McShay spoke with Indiana coach Tom Allen, he didn’t ask about it.

That night’s Ohio State-Purdue telecast was mutilated as per ESPN’s excesses. With Purdue winning, Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit took turns speaking grout and spackle: someone on Ohio State “has to step up” or “dial up a play.”

At 21-6, Purdue, third-and-10 for OSU, a graphic noted the Buckeyes’ third-down conversion percentage for the season was 49 percent, but that night it was 8-for-15.

So if it was better than average in this one, how was Ohio State losing, 21-6? Meantime, TV will always have us believe that third-and-10 is the same as third-and-1. Any stat at any time.

ESPN also posted a large graphic that was covered — covered — with multi-colored dots. This, we learned, was Ohio State’s “Pass Plot Entering Tonight.” Given 15 minutes rather than 15 seconds to decode it, let alone draw an enlightened conclusion, was a task assigned by fools.

But ESPN, paradise self-destroyed, would have it no other way.

Reader Richard T. Monahan asks a good MLB question: “In what other sport or business is one removed from his job when he’s performing well in the hope that the next guy does as well?”

The Brewers lost to the Dodgers in the NLCS due to Milwaukee manager Craig Counsell’s insistence that effective pitchers be yanked, especially for reliever Jeremy Jeffress, who then was blasted.

The craziest part is that Counsell and most other managers these days would do it again. And again and again.

The Red Sox won Game 1 of the World Series, 8-4, as per MLB’s new norms: 24 strikeouts, 12 pitchers, Ouija Board managing and an 8½-inning game that ran 3:52, ending at midnight.

(But Rob Manfred, as heard Monday on ESPN Radio, thinks he’ll win kids back with that new ad campaign emphasizing bat-flipping, home plate-posing and selfish, unsportsmanlike play. Perhaps he’ll narrate an instructional video, plus self-defense tips for the brawls they ignite.)

The obligatory illogical new-standard, game-changing bullpen roulette moment was delivered by Dodgers manager Dave Roberts, who, down 5-4 in the seventh inning of Game 1, pulled just-summoned reliever Pedro Baez, who had struck out two, both swinging. Perfect, sure. But not good enough.

So in came Alex Wood who, on his second pitch, allowed a three-run homer.

Why is such conspicuous senselessness ignored, sometimes even applauded as “The beauty of the chess match,” according to Fox’s John Smoltz?

Smoltz’s partner, Joe Buck, grew up watching, then calling, Cardinals games that were sealed when the likes of Bruce Sutter and Al Hrabosky entered. They often pitched more than an inning. And they certainly weren’t gassed after striking out the two batters they faced!

In St. Louis’ 1982, seven-game World Series win against Milwaukee, Sutter pitched four times, a total of eight innings.

So how does Buck suffer such modern senseless in silence?

Ron Darling, two years ago, asked a lingering question: “Why are the starters paid the big money, but the bullpens are expected to win the games?”

Come to think of it, why does Fox bother posting pitch-counts? Who’s going to be in long enough for pitch-counts to count?

Mike Francesa is now beyond the Capt. Queeg stage. He has lost count of his canned strawberries.

Last week, Francesa swore he had absolutely no idea how many app subscribers he has because those numbers are guarded “like gold.” Still, he claimed, it’s doing very well. Huh?

Unless we’re to believe it’s a business that operates on the blind, he’s full of it. Far more likely, the number is too embarrassingly low to mention.

But always a self-sensitive bully, this week he responded to app success doubts by claiming to know exactly the number of subscribers!

As for the Garden’s boycott of WFAN because despotic autocrat Jim Dolan was attacked as a hypocrite by Maggie Gray, Francesa claimed he has no friendship, no social relationship with Dolan, whatsoever. “Jim Dolan and I are not friends.”

Ah, but @BackAftaThis on Twitter has posted its latest audio and video of “Let’s Be Honest.” It includes Francesa’s claim that he knows Dolan “pretty well,” so much so that they’ve dined together and “through the years he has been wonderful to my kids.”

Just don’t call them friends!

After the Giants, down eight, curiously went for two on ESPN’s Monday Nightmare Football, Booger McFarland, from his sideline Rubber Booger Buggy, said, “When you’ve lost 18 of your last 24 you can’t afford to roll the dice in that situation!”

Soon, Atlanta kicked a 56-yard field goal. McFarland: “I like being aggressive, especially when you’re 2-4!”