Hondo bagged three of the four available points on Championship Sunday, sweeping the “totals” to move into sole possession of first place in the Over/Under Standings while splitting with his spread prophecies.
Although there are no official combined standings, basic mathematics clearly indicate that Hondo and red-hot Rico are co-leaders in the coveted “cume” category. Regarding The Big Game, be advised that Hondo has correctly forecast the spread winner in the last four Super Bowls, so it is with confidence a-dripping that he plunges into XLVI’s who, what, why and WTF (who to favor).
It’s the haunted against the hunted as New England tries to avenge its XLII and 2K-11 losses to the Giants. Unfortunately for the Pasties, vengeance will not be theirs. The Giants showed they had the perfect Big Blueprint for beating the Pats four years ago when their relentless rush mercilessly bludgeoned Brady. Little brother Rex Ryan toed the same line in last year’s Divisional playoff game, and by the second half, Brady had become so skittish he was dropping to the ground curling up into the fetal position at the first whiff of pressure.
Fast forward to Sunday, and super stud tight end Rob Gronkowski is ineffective, if not out, because of the dreaded high ankle sprain. Without his favorite target, Brady, facing as ruthless a rush as he did in the ’08 Supe, is left to search frantically and futilely for second TE Aaron Hernandez, possession receiver Wes Welker or one of his pedestrian deep threats.
The Pretty Party Boy again will be hitting the deck early and often as his worried wife’s prayer chain falls on deaf Ears.
Meanwhile, Eli has to be licking his elite chops at the prospect of carpet-bombing the Pats’ low-rent, 31st-ranked secondary. Manning likely will bag his second MVP, but whomever Julian Edelman defends — Nicks, Cruz or Manningham — could also earn the ticket to Disney World.
Count on another Gatorade bath for Tom Coughlin (and another accolade bath for Mr. Aitch). Giants, 33-14.
CELEBRITY PICKS
SuperNanny Bloomberg: If you know what’s good for you — and I certainly do — then you’ll go with Big Blue. But remember: Watch your salt intake.
Chaz Bono (the transgender still locked in no man’s land): I like the Patriots because they have two Johnsons — Pepper and Chad Ochocinco, nee Johnson.
Michael Moore: (according to Siciliano, aka The Bronx Bomber): I’ll take the Giants. I can’t root for a team called the Patriots.
Nipsy Nancy Grace: [She said something about the Giants nipping the Pats, but it was tough to hear, because just as she responded she let loose with a blast of flatulence.]
Anthony “A-Wad” Weiner: I think the Giants will get off to a fast start and by the end of the game they will have a ridiculous bulge.
Superhero
Mark Wahlberg: I made Cundiff miss the chippy FG in the AFC title game, and I’ll do what it takes to ensure a Patriot victory.
The Protester: Sorry, can’t make a pick right now; all my scratch is going towards my genital scabies.
Captain Schettino: It looks like the Patriots’ ship is sinking, so I’m jumping on the Giants. Out of my way, ladies!
NOTABLE PICKS
Mrs. Aitch: Giants 23-14; K-Dog of Maryland: Giants 24-13; BarkingMut: Patriots 27-24; Hondo’s First Heir: Giants 31-24; Hondo’s Second-But-Equal Heir: Giants 27-17; Siciliano (aka The Bronx Bomber): Giants 31-20; Ed Buckmir: Pats 31-21, Comedy king Jon Hayman: Pats 27-23.
And, of course, Paul Aswad of Saratoga, rates a paragraph for correctly forecasting a push in Super Bowl XXXIV. Aswad has dug deep to pluck this tasty nugget: “This is a revenge match for Brady and the Pats, who are still upset about the Giants ruining their perfect season .” In the latest entry to Aswad’s annals: Pats 31-24.
IN OTHER TOPICS
Beyonce announced that Jay-Z will be changing the diapers of Blue Ivy, prompting Jay-Z to reassess his self-imposed ban on the “B” word.
PROP BET OF THE DAY: Will Julian Edelman, the Pats’ WR, DB and returner, get more touches during the game or afterwards at the club?
The President this week proposed legislation that would give homeowners a “bill of rights.” Let’s hope it includes assistance for all from someone like former Obama housing benefactor and current inmate Tony Rezko.
“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” was nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award. Mr. Aitch would like to berate the Academy, since he saw the film and found it to be extremely awful and incredibly close to being the biggest waste of two hours and nine minutes he has ever experienced.
BarkingMut says outgoing Congressman and soon-to-be wed Barney Frank is looking forward to longtime boyfriend Jim Ready carrying him across the backdoor transom … Additionally, sources tell Mr. Mut that Madonna will dedicate one of her halftime songs, “Like A Virgin,” to Tim Tebow.
Emauler Ed Buckmir would like to remind Obama and Mitt Romney, who recently belted out songs at campaign stops, that they are campaigning for President, not auditioning for American Idol.
Dirty Dave Letterman’s 30th anniversary show Wednesday night turned into a big disappointment because time ran short and he was unable to present “My Interns Through The Years” — a touching retrospective.
Judging by the promo the Daily Ruse has been running all week for its Super Bowl Coverage, it sure does have a lot of short sportswriters. Either that or Mike Lupica, who was towering over the group, was standing on a stool … on his tiptoes.
REARLY BELOVED: Kim Kardashian has announced she intends to form a Bible study group. Sources say she wants to focus on teaching others about her patron saint: Saint Gluteus of Maximus.
Adios till April, HondoNation.
