WINNERS

JAMIE DIMON

JPMorgan CEO reports earnings up 34 percent; investors quit blubbering about London Whale trading.

DAN HESSE

Sprint CEO gets boost from Softbank’s investment interest, hopes the call isn’t dropped.

CYRUS VANCE

Ruling lets Manhattan DA see Occupy Wall Street tweets.

LOSERS

JOHN STUMPF

Wells Fargo CEO sees feds charge bank with running decade-long mortgage fraud.

WARREN BUFFETT

The Oracle of Omaha loses his ace pilot for Berkshire’s NetJets sales to rival aircraft-leasing firm XOJet.

EUROPEAN UNION

Sure, it won the Nobel Prize. Now it just has to monetize it.