NEW York Fashion Week is here – which means Bryant Park seems once again to be in danger of sagging under the weight of the hordes of designers, celebrities, millionaire housewives, fashionable freeloaders and style journalists.

But who gets the prime seat in the front row? And who’ll be lucky to get standing room in the back? And in this fiercely competitive and glamorous world, what are this year’s must-have accessory, hottest haircut and smartest shoes?

Here’s The Post’s guide to the distinguishing characteristics of Fashion Week’s six most in-your-face tribes, and our tips on how to deal with them over the next seven days – and those touchy subjects an avid fashion watcher would do well to avoid.

1. THE EDITRIX

ROLE MODEL: Vogue’s Anna Wintour, W’s Bridget Foley

TRANSPORT: Stretch black Lincoln Town Car with tinted windows

SEAT: The best in the house

ACCESSORY: Gucci Bit Bag

SHOES: Narciso Rodriguez over-the-knee boot

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: The second row

SUSTENANCE: Evian, skim double decaf cappuccino

TALKING POINT: Bonnie Fuller

CATCHPHRASE: “I can’t. I’m having dinner at Da Silvano’s.”

PUTDOWN: Don’t even think about it. She’ll put you down.

DON’T MENTION: PETA

2. THE UBER-PUBLICIST

ROLE MODEL: Paul Wilmot, Ed Filipowski, Susan Magrino

TRANSPORT: New Aluminum Jaguar XJS (driven by ex-cop)

SEAT: Too busy to sit down. At least, that’s what he wants you to think.

ACCESSORY: Radio headset with microphone boom

SHOES: Non-slip Pumas

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: Another blackout

SUSTENANCE: Goody bag leftovers

TALKING POINT: Latest gate-crasher techniques and how to spot them

CATCHPHRASE: “That’s undoubtedly the greatest show Fashion Week has ever seen!”

PUTDOWN: “Sorry, you represent who?”

DON’T MENTION: Sarah Jessica Parker’s empty seat

3. THE MODEL

ROLE MODEL: Kate, Helena, Gisele

TRANSPORT: Winnebago

SEAT: The hot one

ACCESSORY: Marlboro Lights

SHOES: Marc Jacobs’ kitten heel

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: Tabloid exposé

SUSTENANCE: Vicodin (day), Percocet (evening), Ambien (night)

TALKING POINT: Prescription trades

CATCHPHRASE: “What?”

PUTDOWN: Try a joke like, “Why did the model stare at the orange juice carton? Because it said, ‘Concentrate.'”

DON’T MENTION: Secret plastic surgeon in Brazil

4. THE DESIGNER

ROLE MODEL: Ralph, Calvin, Donna

TRANSPORT: Private jet

SEAT: Can’t sit down – too nervous and may spoil cut of outfit

ACCESSORY: Vertu mobile phone

SHOES: Custom-made Cleverley

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: Clothes falling apart on runway

SUSTENANCE: Nervous energy

TALKING POINT: Me, me, me

CATCHPHRASE: “It’s very Mod this season.”

PUTDOWN: Don’t bother. He’ll only thank you anyway.

DON’T MENTION: The crappy, insect-in-a-jam-jar Euro-pop soundtrack he insisted on.

5. THE FASHION STUDENT

ROLE MODEL: Jean Paul Gaultier, the Blue Man Group

TRANSPORT: L train

SEAT: You must be joking.

ACCESSORY: Neon legwarmers, customized thrift-store finds

SHOES: Vivienne Westwood’s new platforms

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: Being ignored

SUSTENANCE: Gossip

TALKING POINT: His photo in the latest issue of The Face magazine.

CATCHPHRASE: “New York is soooo commercial. I’m doing much more underground stuff.”

PUTDOWN: “Did you get that from, Old Navy?”

DON’T MENTION: $100,000 debt

6. THE FASHION KIDS

ROLE MODEL: Stella McCartney

TRANSPORT: Micro-scooter

SEAT: Second row, right behind Mom or Dad

ACCESSORY: Teen Vogue, Bugaboo Frog

SHOES: Nike

RECURRING NIGHTMARE: Baby fat, pimples

SUSTENANCE: Mainlining the untouched sweets, chocolate and Real Coke

TALKING POINT: Dory, the forgetful fish voiced by Ellen DeGeneres in “Finding Nemo”

CATCHPHRASE: “Mommy/Daddy said I could!”

PUTDOWN: Card them.

DON’T MENTION: The phrase “spoiled brats”