Madonna, whose most recent contributions to the art of film were last summer’s failed teen comedy “Material Girls” and torching her and her hubby’s big-screen careers with “Swept Away,” is developing a movie about prisoner abuse with one of my old professors at CCNY. Yikes.

In other has-been news, it looks like Tom Cruise has found some suckers, er investors to help him revive United Artists. $500 million will buy a lot of couches.