A veteran of the first Gulf War, my intrepid colleague Kyle Smith was not deterred by Paramount’s determination to shield its $175 million bomb “G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra” from sniper fire from professional critics. You won’t find a review in the Times or The Snooze this morning, but our print edition this morning carries a hilarious, withering half-star takedown from my (conservative) colleague, who terms the project “G.I. Schmoe.” A small sample: Brendan Fraser “pops in the Joes’ training center but has nothing to do but watch G.I. for five minutes. Which is about how long most viewers are going to be able to stand it.”