* Most Likely to Have Their Oscars Confiscated: Adrien Brody chewing the scenery as a wacky veteran in “The Jacket”; Jamie Foxx hamming it up as a Navy flier in “Stealth”
* Cinematic Disaster Prefiguring a Real Disaster: The lame New Orleansset horror movie “The Skeleton Key”
* Most Annoying Child Actor: Gap-toothed Dakota Fanning (right), screaming through “War of the Worlds” and “Hide and Seek”
* Most Financially Successful Cinematic Atrocity: The brain-dead and cheesy-looking “The Fantastic Four”
* Most Pointless Screen Reunion: John Travolta and Uma Thurman, fruitlessly trying to rekindle their “Pulp Fiction” chemistry in the uncool “Be Cool”
* War Movie Most Likely to be Used as an Instrument of Torture: The excruciatingly boring “The Great Raid”
* Most Convincing Impression of a Wax Dummy: Paris Hilton, in every single scene of “House of Wax”
* Donât Give Up Your Day Job: Jessica Simpson (right), impersonating an actress in “Dukes of Hazzard”; Nicole Ritchie as the worldâs oldest teenager in “Kids in America”; 50 Cent wearing a single expression in “Get Rich or Die Tryinâ “
* Most Pointless Remakes: “The Longest Yard,” “Amityville Horror.”
* Worst Remake: “The Bridge of San Luis Rey” with Robert De Niro and Kathy Bates.
* Worst Sequel: “The Mask 2,” a PG-rated horror flick filled with smutty jokes
* Most Totally Misconceived Movie Based on TV series: “Bewitched,” starring Nicole Kidman as a real witch who plays one on TV in “Bewitched.”
* Least Convincing Femme Fatale: Jennifer Aniston, “Derailed”
* Stick a Fork in Him: Orlando Bloom, lacking presence as a leading man in “Elizabethtown” and “Kingdom of Heaven”
* Most Dubious Demonstration of Versatility: Ice Cube in the witless family comedy “Are We There Yet?” and the witless action comedy “XXX: State of the Union”
* Worst Performance by the Director’s Soon-to-Be Ex-Wife: Jenny McCarthy, “Dirty Love” (Director: John Asher)
* Worst Performance by the Director’s Wife, Playing His Mother: Tea Leoni, “House of D” (Director: David Duchovny)
* Worst Movie Based on a Story by the Director’s Son: “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D” (Director: Robert Rodriguez).
* Best Reason to Hope for Ed Burns’ Retirement: The hopeless sci-fi adventure “A Sound of Thunder”
* Best Reason to Hope for Gwyneth Paltrow’s Retirement: As the world’s unlikeliest math genius in “Proof”
* Best Performance in a Bad Movie Full of Overpaid Stars: Bart the Bear, who fared better than Jennifer Lopez, Robert Redford or Morgan Freeman in “An Unfinished Life”
* Most Pretentiously Empty Art Films: “Palindromes,” “Last Days”
* Most Aggressively Stupid Movie Vaguely Based on a Real Person: Tony Scott’s execrable “Domino”
* Why Will Ferrell Needs a New Agent: “Bewitched,” “Kicking and Screaming,” “Melinda and Melinda”
* Most Dubious Pro-Life Arguments: “The Island” (Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson are clones); “Just Like Heaven” (Reese Witherspoon is in a coma)
* Most Embarrassingly Bad Oscar Bid: Terry Gilliam’s “The Brothers Grimm”
* Three Reasons to Join Naomi Watts in Crying: “The Ring 2,” “Stay,” “Ellie Parker”
* So Bad We (Almost) Missed Ben Affleck: “Elektra” with Jennifer Garner
* Worst Chemistry: Sean Penn and the much taller Nicole Kidman, “The Interpeter”; Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman, “Bewitched”
* Best Chemistry in an Appallingly Bad Movie: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, “Mr. And Mrs. Smith”
* Beneath Contempt: “The Pacifier” with Vin Diesel, “Doom” with The Rock, “The Weather Man” with Nicolas Cage, “The Perfect Man” with Hilary Duff – or was that Lindsay Lohan?
* And Finally, a Drumstick, er, Drumroll for the Absolute Worst Movie of 2005 and the Decade So Far . . . “Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo,” starring the unforgivable Rob Schneider
Don’t watch any of these and you’re certain to have a Happy Thanksgiving.
