What do you get when you combine mentally unbal anced brides-to-be with a fame-crazed plastic surgeon — and then throw in a former reality star/beauty queen who claims to abhor plastic surgery?

If you guessed a big, hot, plastic mess, you’d be right.

That doesn’t mean that E!’s new “reality” show, the aptly named “Bridalplasty,” won’t be a big hit. It probably will be, but I, for one, can be counted among those who will be eagerly avoiding it.

The show is a contest wherein the winner gets top-to-toe plastic surgery and a flashy wedding.

Competing are a dozen, quite lovely women who are engaged to be married, but who think that the only way they can ever be truly happy is to have a plastic surgery re-do (and a giant lavish wedding).

These women, of course, are all suffering from body dysmorphia — which according to Mirriam Webster is: “A pathological preoccupation with an imagined or slight physical defect of one’s body to the point of causing significant stress or behavioral impairment.”

These ladies do need to seek professional help — but of the shrink kind, not a plastic surgery, shrink-your-thighs kind.

But hey — it’s TV — where everything that can be exploited will be exploited. The winner wins a flashy wedding and head-to-toe surgeries (up to 15, I think). The fact that her fiance won’t even see her until he lifts her veil on the wedding day — therefore marrying a virtual stranger — doesn’t seem primitive or ritualistic to these troubled souls.

Each week, the future brides (some are already married but didn’t have big enough weddings) compete in various games like putting puzzles together that consist of simulations of what they’d look like with bigger boobs, smaller noses and no stomachs or thighs to speak of.

As each woman finishes her puzzle she runs and grabs — I swear! — a syringe and rushes into the next room where cheeseball plastic surgeon Dr. Terry DuBrow, (as in Terry Do a Browlift?) is waiting with tables full of injectible fillers and Botox.

He actually yells things like “Allyson — come on down! Yea!” like a demented Bob Barker. He tells one bride, “If we do all of these procedures, you are going to be pretty smokin’ hot!” Put this man in jail!

This big, hot mess is hosted by Shanna Moakler, who wrote an anti-plastic surgery rant on her blog a few years ago claiming, “I’d rather be called Shanna Porker and be a healthy average WOMAN, then (sic) do what most do, to get that thin.” Clearly going against her principles is no big deal when compared to more! more! more! fame.

Be scared. Be very scared.