Tired ‘Blood’
Do people watch “True Blood” for the hot- blooded sex or the cold-blooded violence?
If you say you watch it for the plot, you are lying through your fangs. You better pull them back in, because TV’s hottest cold-bodied vamps have been partially defanged. Or so it seems in the first three episodes of this season, at any rate.
Yes, both the very,very graphic sex and the usual over-the-top gore fest of vampire violence have been cut far enough back that I began to think I was watching a fairy story.
Oh wait — I was watching a fairy story. In fact, “True Blood’s” season premiere opens with a fairy party scene with many fairy godmothers (even the men are fairy godmothers) flitting around in flower-strewn, gauzy outfits, holding lit-up magic fruit.
Not exactly like other season openers — is it?
Gone from most of the first three episodes were the frontal views and backal sex scenes starring vampire Bill and idiot Jason. I always figured all that nasty sex was the only reason townsfolk didn’t move from Bon Temps in the first place. Giant sex is the only thing the place has to recommend it, in terms of real estate. You’re as likely to get your neck ripped out and bloody there as you are to meet up with a redneck of the other variety.
That’s not to say that the sex and violence have been eliminated, but compared to what the show’s bazillions of fans are used to, it’s more like watching “Treme” than Bon Temps.
In fact, in Sunday night’s episode, there’s no serious sex scene until 40 minutes in — so to speak.
But if you can’t wait that long for your porn fix and need to know who, what and how long it lasts, you may be even more distressed to know that it’s brief, albeit topless, lesbian sex of the regular kind, involving not a single vampire, werewolf, panther, shape shifter, dead or undead former human. Just two gals having a good time with their panties on.
Even Jason Stacked-well, ah, Stackhouse (who could never keep his clothes on or have sex facing a woman) stays clothed, even while being chewed on by hillbilly, shape-shifting panthers. In fact, it’s more important to get a load of what he is wearing than what he’s not.
Since it’s good to be king, Bill, of course, still has plenty of reasons to show his naked butt, but the sex doesn’t look like it’s of the hot, dangerous kind anymore. I guess a guy can get bored even with great sex after 173 years or so.
This season, in addition to the occasionally exploding fairies, there is also a coven of witches — but they look less carnal than like “Carnivale” extras.
So, Bloodies — it’s more story, less gory, more text and less sex for the bad folk of Bon Temps. And for you.
