“Brave New Girl”
[] (three stars)
Sunday night at 8 p.m. on ABC Family
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THE Britney Spears entertainment machine may have turned the once innocent teen idol into the sexual fantasy of a bazillion men, but Britney Inc., still knows there’s bucks in them thar kids.
And on Sunday night, that market is tapped for all it’s worth with “Brave New Girl,” a TV movie based on “A Mother’s Gift,” a novel written by Britney and her mom, Lynne Spears.
The story, while not exactly a roman a clef, is a kind of Texan a clef. In other words, it’s sorta, kinda like the story of Britney and her mom – but with more poverty and tragedy thrown in.
High-school graduate Holly (Lindsay Haun), is stuck working at the local dairy drive-in. While she wishes that she could attend a music conservatory in the East (Philadelphia), she knows that can never be.
Why? Her mom is broke, they’re about to lose their house, and well, she’s country and the conservatory is strictly big city – in terms of music and life.
Mom (Virginia Madsen) finds the conservatory application tossed aside by Lindsay and on a whim sends it in with her “audition tape,” a homemade video of Lindsay singing “Yellow Rose of Texas” in a cowgirl outfit. Oy veh, as they say in Houston.
For some reason, the conservatory hotshots see something magical in that performance. What, I have no idea, because William Hung could have done a better job.
Anyway, she wins the scholarship and Lindsay and mom drive east. Unfortunately, the car breaks down and mom is forced to move into Lindsay’s dorm. Go figure. Along the way, Lindsay mistakenly drops her hometown boyfriend who wanted her to move into his aunt’s trailer with him. (She runs out of money at the phone booth and he thinks she’s dumped him. I swear.)
But it’s all about the music, and it comes down to a make-it-or-break-it recital. If Lindsay can’t ace an “A” on her performance, she blows her scholarship. Will she? Are you kidding me?
Along the way, Lindsay is mean to her Mom for moving into the dorm and becoming a waitress, (all that’s missing is Mildred Pierce herself), but she also finds a nice boy who also has a famous singing dad who doesn’t love him, either. The lesson? Better to be loved by your poverty-stricken, hash-slinging mother who wears a cheap, bright, red fur jacket than to be unloved by your rich, famous and well-dressed parents.
Madsen is always good, and deserves a whole lot better than this. Haun is OK, but her voice is very thin, and her acting here seems limited to big smile, surprised smile, and disappointed smile. Bad direction in normal circumstances, but probably just right for the pre-teen audience used to seeing too much lewd-and-crude every day in music videos.
The movie, produced by Britney and her non-hash slinging mother, Lynne, is a perfect three-hanky evening for every remaining, pre-teen Britney fan.
