“Dinner Party Shee Shee?” she asked. “No, no, Dinner Party Cheat Sheet,” I replied.

“This is Dan, he writes Dinner Party Shee Shee,” she said to another woman.

The dinner party had taken a turn for the worse. I vowed never to mix muscle relaxants and alcohol again.

KOSHER KISSIN’?

* As part of a fund-raiser for the United Way, Carnival Cruise Lines president Bob Dickinson puckered up and planted a wet one on a pig’s snout in Miami Thursday. That night Dickinson’s wife, a lamb named Lu-Lu, made him sleep in the barn after smelling bacon on his breath and finding a cloven footprint on his collar.

THE LONG AND THE SHORT

* If you are a man with short legs, then you’re more of a candidate for heart disease and insulin-resistance syndrome, said a University of Bristol, England, study. But even worse is that men with short legs are shorter than men with long legs.

BUBBLE ON AND ON

* More than 90 3,800-year-old tablets were found at an archaeological site in northern Syria. Did the Babylonians talk about their culture? No. Their religion? Uh-Uh. Their political system? Nope. What did the tablets offer? They documented how to produce beer and distribute it, said professional diggers this week. Next week’s tablets: How to seduce a village girl – without a camel – in 10 easy steps.

BUCK DENTED

* R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck, 44, remained seated at his British trial for air rage this week. Buck, seemingly confused about the term mile-high club, downed 15 glasses of red wine, weaved about the cabin freely, and covered himself and a member of the airline staff with yogurt. If Buck always gave a performance like this, R.E.M. would still be at the top of the charts.

STIR CRAZY

* Before Barry Sherman snatched 6-year-old, Spring Lake, N.J., girl Anna Cardelfe, he tried various criminal schemes on oblivious customers in a Belmar, N.J., coffee shop.

“He said he was going to make tons of money in the dognapping business,” said Java Hut waitress Dale Willicroft. “He was picking everybody’s brain – everybody was throwing ideas at him.” Belmar: Switch to decaf.

HAVE YOU ANY WOOL?

* The rich are less well-liked, thanks to Brit Miles Blackwell, 56, who willed $15 million to a rare sheep group. “Good Heavens – that’s wonderful!” said Rare Breeds Survival Trust’s Richard Lutwyche. No, it’s shear madness.