Weighing its options, Dinner Party Cheat Sheet has thrown in the towel and pulled out of the race for guv’nah. It can’t compete. The rest of the field is just too darn sophisticated.

McCALL COLLECTS

Andrew Cuomo dropped out of the governor’s race this week conceding the Democratic nod to Carl McCall. The next day, McCall said, “When they see this support, they’re going to do what the guy did yesterday: George Pataki is going to withdraw before this is all over.” While McCall’s hypnotic trance failed to take hold, Pataki later that day complained that he did, in fact, feel very, very sleepy.

STOP YOUR BLUBBERIN’

Keiko, the floppy-finned star of “Free Willy” wound up in Norway after being put into the wild by Icelandic scientists. Fearing Keiko can’t survive a Norwegian winter, one marine expert suggested the fish-mammal-thing be put down. Luckily, someone raced to tell him it was still summer.

FAMILY TIES

Researchers have found that teenage girls who stay virgins have a close relationship with their mothers, said the AP. Researchers have also found that teenage girls who stay virgins are usually bound to their furniture every weekend by their mothers.

PLAYER HATING

The Women’s Tennis Association is up in arms that Sports Illustrated ran an article about a fictional, computer generated tennis player they named Simonya Popova. “There’s so much stuff going on in women’s tennis … there could have been much better use of their five pages,” said WTA’s spokesman. Yeah, but who wants to see a centerfold of Serena Williams’ stalker.

*NSUNK

Singer Lance Bass, who was to be lifted into space, has been booted from the Oct. 28 mission by the Russians. The Russian Space Agency say the boyband star was given the nyet because his backers could not come up with the $20 million fee. The Russians will replace Bass with a cargo container, which, like Bass, can’t sing or dance.

FAT ACCOMPLI

McDonald’s will try to make its fries healthier next month by using a different frying oil and cutting the trans-fatty acids, or bad fat, from its snack by almost half. But to confuse matters, the amount of calories, the total fat content and the taste won’t change. Heart attacks will also be just as painful.