SCI FI has been abducted by aliens in suits.

Not space suits. Armani suits. Bought at deep discount.

That can be the only explanation for the NBC Universal announcement yesterday that it is changing the name of “SCI FI” to – are you kidding me? – “Syfy.”

Yes – “Syfy.” Say it quick.

The executives, in their corporate wisdom, have decided that “Sci Fi,” which has been the abbreviation for “science fiction” since Jules Verne was in Pampers, should be changed to an “ownable trademark.” They then explained in further horrifying corporate speak that, “Syfy” “broadens perceptions and embraces a wider and more diverse range of imagination-based television.” What?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but – to me, “Syfy” sounds like the abbreviation for a nursing home in Riverdale. Can you see the billboard? “Come Rest at Syfy’s! The Seymore Fynstein Home for the Aged and Premium Cable Station where your comfort is our business.”

You know that NBC has wasted hundreds of thousands of man-hours on focus groups to vet this change. Can you hear them? “Syfy? It’s positively brilliant! No, of course no one will pronounce it ‘syfee!’ ”

To help them in the future, I’ve come up with some other great NBC Universal name changes:

* USA network becomes YouSA: the more non-linear digital platform!

* Bravo becomes “Brava” attracting those females who insist on tuning into Lifetime.

* And NBC? How about “EndBC.” Please.