LAST night was the second Seder, and during this religious feast, Jews ask what are known as “The Four Questions,” such as “Why on this night do we eat matzo,” and “Who invited the Kapilskys?”

Although neither I nor anybody else has an answer to the Kapilsky question, I do have responses to all of your queries, except the most frequently asked one, which is – “Precisely how many times, when you were a kid, did your folks drop you on your head?”

That said, let’s begin the Q & A.

“My girlfriend is great in every way. She’s smart, beautiful, kind and caring. One thing, though. She’s extremely, how shall I say – kinky? What should I do?”– Scott

Marry her.

“Where’s the best place to meet a woman?”– David

At a lesbian bar.

“Next week is my boyfriend’s birthday, and I’m having a hard time picking out a gift because he’s so much younger than me. What do you suggest?”– Abby

Something soft and cuddly, which doesn’t have small parts he may choke on.

“I’m an attractive woman, but for some reason men don’t take me seriously. Why is that?”– Candi

I’m not sure, but thanks for your letter – it’s the first I’ve ever received written in crayon.

“My husband and I want to spice up our love life. Can you suggest any games to play in bed?”– Alice

Yahtzee!

“My girlfriend, who I’ve been dating for a year, wants me to move in with her, but I’m not sure I’m ready. When’s the ‘right time’ to move in with someone?”– Tom

When they’re no longer living with their folks.

“You seem to know a lot. What’s the best way to a woman’s heart?”– Rob

Through the aortic arch.

“My husband is 71, and I’m about 20 years younger. Up until recently, we had a healthy sex life, but now he’s no longer able to keep up. Can you help me?” – Jenny

I’d love to, but generally I don’t sleep with my readers.

“I know this isn’t a relationship question, but I want your advice. A co-worker of mine has owed me money for some time now. I’ve already brought it up with him, but I still haven’t seen a dime. What am I supposed to do?”– Billy

Chill out, Billy. We’ve been through this before. I promise you’ll get the money – now stop writing me.

“Does size really matter ‘down there?'”– Julia

It does – if it’s the prostate.

“My father never liked Neil, who I’ve been dating for eight years, and whenever I said anything about wanting to marry him, my father would say, ‘Over my dead body.’ Well, my dad’s dead now, and I don’t know what to do?”– Cathy

I think you should obey your father’s wishes – and put the altar right over his grave.

“I’m getting married in about six weeks. What should I do about my ‘cold feet?'”– Rick

Buy socks.

“My girlfriends and I were recently arguing over whether it’s wrong to have a one-night stand. Any thoughts about a one-night stand?” – Denise

Tuesday’s good for me.

“What’s the best way to break it off with a man?”– Irene

With your hands.

“I’m totally into phone sex, but my ex-girlfriend was grossed out by it. Do you think phone sex is bad?” – Brian

Only when I run out of quarters.

“Everyone seems to have their own concept of what is and isn’t cheating. Some say it’s when you sleep with another person, others feel it’s simply having a secret meal with someone else. What do you consider cheating?”– Debby

As you’ve pointed out, there are several different views, and I’d like to discuss this more – when your husband’s away.

I’d also like the rest of you to continue sending in your questions, which I’ll try my best to answer, despite my limited space – and intelligence.