PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN []
Way too much of a good thing.
Running time: 143 minutes. Rated PG-13 (action adventure violence). At the E Walk, the Union Square, City Cinemas East 86th Street, others.
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TOO bad the corsairs of “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” didn’t wield their swords on this crowd-pleaser, which cleverly reinvents the swashbuckler via Disney’s venerable theme-park ride – but at a punishing length.
Trimming half an hour from this bloated, 143-minute blockbuster would have highlighted the film’s treasures, not the least of which is Johnny Depp’s endearingly eccentric performance as Captain Jack Sparrow, a pirate whose prowess has been dissipated by too much rum and too much time in the Caribbean sun.
With gold-capped teeth, dreadlocked hair and more eye shadow than Gwyneth Paltrow on a bad day, Depp is a sight as he steps off a sinking dinghy onto a pier in Port Royal and begins to babble like Keith Richards (reportedly one of his models for the role) in the most disconnected-from-reality character he’s played since “Don Juan de Marco.”
Jack has been relieved of his vessel, the Black Pearl, and a fortune in Aztec gold in a mutiny engineered by Barbossa (a marvelously villainous Geoffrey Rush) and left to die on a small uninhabited island.
He manages to escape to Port Royal, where he only avoids execution as a pirate when Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), the daughter of the governor (Jonathan Pryce), is kidnapped by Barbossa.
Much to the chagrin of the governor and Elizabeth’s putative fiancé, Commander Norrington (Jack Davenport), Jack joins forces with Will (Orlando Bloom), a brave blacksmith who’s secretly in love with his childhood friend Elizabeth.
They hijack the fastest ship in the British fleet and set sail to rescue Elizabeth from Barbossa at Isla de Muerta.
Little do they realize that Barbossa and his men are suffering from a curse on the stolen gold that turns them into skeletons in the moonlight – a nice refinement of a computer-generated effect that’s been around since at least “Young Sherlock Holmes,” effectively deployed in two scenes.
To lift the curse, Barbossa needs to recover a piece of loot carried by a member of Jack’s party – along with a drop of blood.
It’s great to see a full-scale ship-boarding on the big screen, staged with panache by director Gore Verbinsky and producer Jerry Bruckheimer.
Though this is the first film with the Disney label to carry a PG-13 rating, the violence is pretty mild – though parents of sensitive young children should be wary.
The film is at its best when Jack and Barbossa are going at it, with swords and other implements.
It’s at its weakest exploring the drippy love triangle involving Elizabeth, Will and Norrington.
Bloom and Knightley, so appealing in “The Lord of the Rings” and “Bend It Like Beckham,” respectively, are pretty bland in the straight roles.
Screenwriters Ted Eliott and Terry Rossio (“Shrek,” “The Mark of Zorro”) give all the best lines to Jack and Barbossa, and there are lots of colorful pirate characters.
But neither they nor Verbinsky – who directed the overrated “The Ring” – seem to know how to wrap up the story, which has at least four endings, including one set in a cave on Tortuga.
As a result, “Pirates of the Caribbean” tends to overstay its welcome.
