National Geographic Special: “Inside The Vatican” [ ]

Tonight at 8 on WNET/Ch. 13

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USUALLY I am the biggest sucker in the world when it comes to “National Geographic Specials.”

Wait, let me amend that. I am the biggest sucker in the world when it comes to any dorky, quasi-educational special – especially when they are filled with gossip.

But then again, I was always a sucker for restoration villages.

So, naturally, I was very excited when I saw that yet another “National Geographic Special,” called “Inside the Vatican,” was coming on.

But even more exciting is the fact that by the time you read this I will be in Rome and, yes, maybe at the Vatican itself.

But then came the disappointment: I watched it.

For one thing, the Vatican is too vast for one TV special. I mean, the warring popes alone could fill a 13-week miniseries. Then there’s St. Peter’s, the art, the architecture, the Medicis! It is, after all, 2,000 years old.

This special – while giving many good and gripping details and promising unprecedented access to corners of the Holy See we’ve never seen before – unfortunately focuses on various happenings in the Vatican now. It’s best when it sticks to the historical aspects.

For example, did you know that the apostle Peter was arrested in Rome, hung upside down on a cross and is buried under St. Peter’s basilica? Of course it wasn’t St. Peter’s then, because for one thing St. Peter wasn’t a saint then – he was just a guy on a mission.

We also learn the inner workings of the Vatican. For example, it is the world’s smallest sovereign state, with a population of 900 citizens. It became independent in 1929, has its own newspaper, police force, tiny army (the Swiss Guard) and maybe the only cash machine in the world that uses Latin.

This is interesting, but not as interesting as, say, the how the ancient art came to be (some of those stories about the Baroque artists make the Bible look tame!). This show, however, focuses on the restorers, the tailors and the photographer who work at the Vatican these days. Nice, but really, who cares?

They do touch briefly on the secret archives of the library which houses 30 miles of shelves with documents such as Henry VIII’s petition to the pope to grant him a divorce from Catherine of Aragon (wife No. 1) – and we get to see the red ribbons and seals still hanging from that petition from cardinals all over the world endorsing Henry’s plan to divorce. This in fact, is where the term “red tape” comes from.

And they show a letter from Genghis Khan, telling the pope that if he knows what’s good for him he’ll pay a call. (He didn’t.)

I’d like a whole show on what’s in those shelves and why in hell (whoops, sorry!) they keep them secret. I mean, wouldn’t you want to see that letter from Henry VIII?

Too much about the running of the Vatican and not enough about the history. But like I said, that’s another 150 miniseries.