
Word to the wise
The best comedy on cable? No contest. The daily cable news shows. Turn on one — any one of them — sit back, wait 30 to 60 seconds and enjoy!
Last week, CNBC reported that government funding of “affordable housing” is running dry.
Interesting. But one question: If one needs government funding to live in affordable housing, how can it be affordable?
The Fox News Channel repeatedly ran a graphic that told this story: “NATO drone kills 13 terrorists in a safe house in Afghanistan.”
Yup, 13 of ’em killed. Safe houses don’t get any safer.
CNN and Fox News Channel continued to wage an undeclared war of semantics. CNN noted that a legislative bill in New Jersey, one that would provide college tuition to “undocumented immigrants,” had been defeated. On FNC, undocumented immigrants are known as “illegal aliens.”
CNN was able to make unintended farce of the catastrophe in Haiti. On the day after the earthquake, this graphic, over several hours, repeatedly appeared: “Haitians in U.S. watch quake and worry.”
Come on.
CNN Headline News anchor Robin Meade introduced a story about a 26-year-old NFL player, Gaines Adams, being found dead in his home, over the weekend: “[CNN’s] Joe Carter actually interviewed him alive, before.”
Finally, C-Span 2’s “U.S. Senate” program presented a Committee Inquiry — an inquiry held in London by members of Parliament. At the same time, C-Span 3’s “Today In Washington” aired programming that, as a graphic noted, was a week old.
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From “Insane!” auto dealers to beer cans that turn blue when they’re cold — who doesn’t? — it’s hard to figure why some TV commercials seem to encourage viewers to avoid purchasing the product at all costs and any cost.
A new commercial for Yaz birth control pills begins with a narrator telling us that Yaz is for women who enjoy “Doing more, trying more and laughing more.” Okay.
But then we see a woman, fully clothed, falling backwards into a soapy bathtub. She rises, laughing.
Next, we see a woman cutting her hair, a long quick move with the scissors along her forehead, as if on a whim. Or maybe a bet.
Next, we see a woman getting dressed — or changing outfits — from the back seat of a car.
Finally, we see a woman painting an entire wall, presumably in her house or apartment, a garish orange.
This is a commercial for a birth control product. But if that’s what Yaz does for women, few users will have to worry about having an intimate relationship. Heck, they’ll be lucky to be allowed visitors to the asylum.
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Three years ago, Tom Hanks used his podium time at the Golden Globe Awards to be far more crude than funny. Although Hanks seemed pleased with himself, he did himself no favors. Given less podium time at last week’s Globes, Hanks, again under thin cover of comedy, still managed to be crude.
If cable systems monthly had to return a nickel to every subscriber for every half hour of “paid programming” — infomercials — they present, subscribers would be paid to subscribe. And if the FCC and/or FTC ever identified the number of scam-based infomericals that nearly all TV entities are paid to present, the NBC peacock would be replaced by a weasel.
Ricky Gervais on Bravo’s “Inside the Actors Studio,” explained why he no longer believes in God: “How can I believe in God when He made me an atheist?!”
From reader E.H.: “Why do news reporters always report ‘brazen bank robberies’ and ‘brazen prison escapes’? Are there other kinds?”
While we’re at it, death is always subjected to news-speak. Why are discoveries of dead bodies always reported as “grisly discoveries”? Are such finds ever pleasant?
Also, it seems that people die only after a “short battle” or a “long battle” with an illness. And does anyone die a “timely death”? And what’s the alternative to “heartfelt condolences”?

