Could McDonald’s and Burger King have a truce? The two bitter junk-food rivals have been trying to take a bite out of each other’s customers for decades. But today, in full-page ads that ran in the New York Times and the Chicago Tribune, Burger King suggested an epic team-up:
“Good morning McDonald’s,” the ad reads. “We come in peace. In fact, we come in honor of peace. We know we’ve had our petty differences, but how about we call a ceasefire on these so-called ‘burger wars’?”
The ad suggests the two join forces to create a McWhopper, combining the Whopper and Big Mac into one bowel-punch of a burger in honor of the International Day of Peace, on Sept. 21. Through Facebook, McDonald’s CEO politely declined to join in the publicity gimmick.
But it got us thinking: What are some other big companies and corporate rivalries that should join forces? Here, some proposed other team-ups for Peace Day.
Apple + Microsoft = Apple Word
Introducing Apple Word, including all the features you hated from the original.FileIt’s a word processing program that still crashes easily, has lots of formatting problems and is generally overstuffed — but man, it is a lot prettier.
Diet Coke + Diet Pepsi = Soda Zero
Pepsi and Coke to finally admit that no one really needs diet soda.Adeel Halim/Getty imagesIt’s just water, actually — what you should have been drinking anyway instead of diet soda. It will cost $6 per bottle.
Chase + Bank of America = Chase You Down
Finally, an easier way to collect overdraft fees.Patrick T. Fallon/BloombergThis company just collects overdraft fees and replaces beloved NYC neighborhood institutions with more storefront banks. Because you can never have too many banks.
Netflix + Seamless = Slothflix
Netflix presents “Rotisserie Chicken”NetflixSlothflix pumps food and entertainment directly into your apartment for a low monthly fee. Its creation will end the aspect of humanity in which people ventured “outside.”
Ben & Jerry’s + Birkenstocks = Sandalwood-flavored ice cream
White America has longed for a Ben & Jerry’s and Birkenstocks team up.Liz Sullivan/NY PostHere, the two biggest totems of faux-hippie culture team up. The treat is sold exclusively in the parking lot of Dave Matthews Band concerts and in stores near the campuses of overpriced private universities.
Time Warner + Walmart = WarMart
Where you get on line to find out why you can’t get online.Photo: TK. Photo composite by Tim Donnelly.WarMart is a mega store consisting solely of customer service desks where you go to complain about your Internet being out and your terrible options on cable TV. The in-store Wi-Fi is terrible — but good luck filing a complaint on it.
ESPN + H&M = ESPH&M Zone
Imagine this but with way more sports and nachos.Mark Lennihan/APA fashionable theme restaurant in Times Square where tourists can gather to scarf cheaply made nachos while watching broadcasts of European sports.
SeaWorld + Subway = SubWorld
Subway and SeaWorld, finally joining forces to bring food-like products to the masses.Red Huber/APFinally: all the wonders of food kept in captivity and then forced to perform for you! Like Subway, the food will barely resemble any actual food products; like SeaWorld, it will be mistreated and submerged in a dirty tank first. Great job opportunities for crisis-management consultants.
Disney + Sony = A ‘Fantastic Four’ movie
The Avengers? Never heard of them in this universe.FileThe big difference: This movie is one you might actually want to see.
Taco Bell + Doritos = Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos
This is what happens when food items get drunk together.FileOh wait, this already exists.
