The fever dream of the long hot summer finally broke — but it’s almost like the season never happened. New Yorkers are already back to wearing flannels and boots, and cracking jokes about pumpkin-spiced things (while secretly sipping them when no one is looking). Like your local Duane Reade already stocking Christmas ephemera on its shelves, you might have already skipped ahead to winter. Here are some signs that you’ve resigned yourself to a long, cold and cruel season ahead.
Dread of sweaty subways being replaced by dread of packed trains full of ‘coat-spreading’
Seasonal bitching switching from hipsters in the Hamptons to tourists at Rockefeller Center
Envy of the heat-beating topless Times Square desnudas morphing into envy of the Elmos’ extra layer of fur
Mets optimism already turning into Knicks depression
Trying to remember where in your tiny apartment you hid your extra beach towels replaced with trying to remember where in your tiny apartment you stored your sweaters
Instead of finding yourself wondering, “Ugh, how are Tevas still a thing??” you find yourself wondering, “How are Uggs still a thing??”
Plans for outdoor movies being replaced with plans for Netflix and chill
Instead of grabbing a cold brew from the coffee shop, you grab the hottest possible liquid and put it in your body immediately
Yelp searches for “bars with outdoor seating” supplanted by “bars with fireplaces”
Refusing to take off jorts when it dips into the 70s replaced by refusing to take off cute Canada Goose jacket when it suddenly spikes into the 70s
Waiting in absurdly long salad lunch line swapped for waiting in absurdly long soup lunch line
Anticipating disappointment for the new “Jurassic Park” sequel being replaced by anticipating disappointment for the new “Star Wars” sequel
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