Though the following scenario is hypothetical, it is based on authenticated fact. Reader discretion is advised.

The fire starts when Jeff in accounting jams a three-prong plug into the two-prong extension cord attached to the power strip sporting 17 other cords he’s hooked up to the single electrical outlet at his cubicle.

Smelling smoke, Jeff’s co-workers panic. “Where’s Josephine?” they bellow. “She’s the floor fire marshal!”

Josephine staggers out of the bathroom screaming, her hands over her face. Alvin grabs her arm, and as he pulls, the flesh on Josephine’s once-stunning face melts to the floor.

“I have a flesh-eating virus!” she cries. “The weird guy from the mailroom used my compu — ”

Josephine falls dead. Alvin recoils in horror, tripping on a computer cord and knocking over a bottle of toner on the copy machine. Nearby workers choke as the toner mixes with the smoke to create a deadly cloud of toxins.

Alvin reaches for the wall, grabbing an uncovered electrical outlet to yank himself back up. Zzzzt! The resulting electrocution instantly renders him the consistency of overcooked bacon.

The portly Darrell shoots into action — “I know where the extinguisher is” — and runs to a stack of boxes. “It’s behind these monthly reports!” He lifts the top box.

“Aaaaaghhh! My back!” he screams, crumpling to the floor.

OK, this workplace version of “2012” might be extreme. But that doesn’t mean the seemingly sedate office isn’t full of potential hazards. In fact, a review of office risk factors may have pen pushers longing for a job in a logging camp.

Disease may lurk on your desk, waiting to attack. Errant electrical cords can cause fires, copiers spew hazardous particulates, file cabinets can topple on the unwary. The building may be a fount of indoor pollution. And that’s not to mention the physical ailments that can result from workplace stress.

Herewith, a survey of some dangers that lurk under the fluorescents:

Center for disease decontrol

Like any place where people gather, an office is a potential hot zone for disease. Consider this tantalizing fact: Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist who’s made a study of office germs, has found that the average desk harbors up to 400 times more bacteria than the workplace toilet seat.

“We really don’t design our workplaces for hygiene,” says Larry Weiss, a Stanford-educated physician and founder of CleanWell hand sanitizer. “Everyone needs to do a risk assessment.”

And how! There’s influenza such as H1N1 that can live on exposed surfaces like a telephone for “a few hours,” notes Jon Roberts of VirWall, a company that makes an ultraviolet keyboard sanitizer.

The rhinovirus (common cold) and norovirus (stomach flu) lurk, as do salmonella and E. coli. And the mother of all possible office maladies is MRSA, a virulent staph infection that, in an absolute worst-case scenario, will literally eat your flesh, notes Roberts.

“It’s the veritable biblical plague of boils,” adds Weiss.

These germs, microbes and bacteria hide pretty much anyplace touched by human hands: telephones, light switches, water coolers.

But worst of all is the computer keyboard. Notes Roberts: “You can get food poisoning [from one] without even eating.”

The key to keeping healthy is to keep your mitts clean.

“Really, you have to be kind of manic about washing your hands,” says Roberts.

Weiss adds that workers should make a daily ritual of wiping down their keyboards and telephones.

Not that that will put a dent in another possible hazard: electromagnetic fields pumped out by the electrical circuits and low-level radation emitted by the monitor screen.

Got your back

Even the healthiest and heartiest can be felled in an office that doesn’t observe proper safety protocol, says Ed Foulke, an attorney at Fisher & Philips and a former assistant secretary of labor for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration.

“The big one is ergonomic issues,” says Foulke, referring to the bevy of repetitive motion injuries such as carpal tunnel syndrome and “trigger finger,” where a digit pops when moved and, in its most disastrous form, locks tightly like an English dandy’s pinkie when he drinks a spot of tea.

More dramatic hazards are on the menu as well. Workers who overload their electrical sockets with a coil of wires worthy of Medusa’s head risk possible fire and electrical shock, says Foulke, adding that improper grounding — which happens when folks shove a three-prong plug into a two-hole socket — raises the potential hazard.

Many offices aren’t vigilant about replacing the plate that covers the socket, which spawns the possibility of electrocution when a worker is careless about plugging in the laptop.

“It can potentially kill,” says Foulke.

But workers who sit at their desks all day in hopes of avoiding electrocution aren’t necessarily any safer. Being wedged into an on office chair for long periods can cause neck and back injuries and other musculoskeletal problems. Sedentary jobs can also lead to deep- vein thrombosis, where potentially deadly blood clots attack your brain, heart and lungs.

And one recent study linked long periods of desk sitting to sleep apnea — a condition that ups your odds of hypertension, stroke and congestive heart failure.

Air apparent

Worried? Relax and take a deep breath.

Or, then again, don’t. Offices are rife with poor air quality that can cause all manner of physical ailments.

Known as “sick building syndrome” (SBS), the condition can cause headaches, dry cough, itchy skin, nausea and dizziness, says Steve Levine, CEO of Clean Air Group Inc. in Fairfield, Conn.

If a building is poorly ventilated, SBS occurs when polluted air from the outside mingles with cleaning products, carpet chemicals, furniture polish and biological contaminants such as mold and bacteria.

To those sources, add the office copier. One Australian study concluded that emissions from some laser printers are as dangerous as secondhand smoke.

Getting physical

Ever feel like your colleagues are killing you slowly? You may not be far off. The stress that results from misanthropic bosses and bullying co-workers has plenty of physical consequences. Increased risk of a heart attack is just the tip of the iceberg. Throw in ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, asthma and colitis. They’re all in a day’s work.

Of course, there are instances where co-workers opt for more direct methods. Workplace violence is less common in offices than it is in service industry jobs and shift work. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Office violence most commonly occurs when someone who’s been bullied to the point where he feels no control decides to assert control, says Michael Corcoran, president of The Workthreat Group.

If the bullying target “has a definable victim or victims and if the victim is available, then that’s a recipe for workplace violence,” he says.

It’s to be hoped, however, that cooler heads would prevail. After all, why kill a co-worker when the office will do it for you?