We hold this truth to be self-evident: That all chocolate-vanilla twists are created equal…ly boring.

Sure, ye olde soft serve possesses a certain nostalgic magic, and it tastes fine. But even after rainbow sprinkles, it’s a drippy dessert — and a waste of an indulgence, in a city a-swirl with adventurous alternatives.

New Yorkers, it’s time for an ice-cream insurrection. On this Fourth of July weekend, declare your independence from ho-hum cones, and pursue your American rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of really good soft-serve.

Let the liberation begin with these dreamy treats.

Dominique Ansel Kitchen, 137 Seventh Avenue South; 212-242-5111

Who else could have dreamed up this fruity fancy but Cronut creator Dominique Ansel? He’s dubbed his latest bit of sugary sorcery the “What-A-Melon” ($10): a fat watermelon wedge, studded with chocolate “seeds” and stuffed with a sea-salt tinged soft-serve watermelon sorbet.

It’s more than just a fun gimmick: it’s a study in temperature, Ansel explains. “Watermelon has a sense of crispness and freshness, but the minute [it gets warm]” — say, languishing on a picnic table — “it starts to lose its texture and flavor,” he tells The Post. He says his icy filling keeps the real fruit at prime crunchy-crispness and intensifies its taste.

Just don’t fall too hard for this magnificent melon. Though it’s on offer in Ansel’s Tokyo shop year-round, it’s strictly a summer fling for New Yorkers, available only Saturday to Tuesday at Ansel’s Greenwich Village store.

Mah-Ze-Dahr Bakery, 28 Greenwich Ave.; 212-498-9810

If it’s too hard to kick that vanilla-chocolate standby, upgrade to a fancier edition. Mah-Ze-Dahr’s new vanilla bean and dark chocolate soft serves (from $5) are “elevated versions of what you remember from childhood,” chef Umber Ahmad says.

From the ice cream to the waffle cones to the toppings, all of the ingredients are made on-site (except the sprinkles and M&Ms). But you might not even get around to those, with more tempting toppers on offer, such as salted caramel sauce, candied hazelnuts and dark chocolate brownie chunks. A nice touch: Ahmad bathes the inside of the cones with her DIY magic shell to create a drip guard.

Milk & Cream Cereal Bar, 159 Mott St.; MilkAndCreamBar.com

Though they’re certainly kin to Momofuku Milk Bar’s famous soft serve, the cereal-infused swirls at Milk & Cream Cereal Bar go beyond the cornflake pale. The shop makes each cup or cone of soft serve to order ($7), blending a vanilla or cookie-dough base with a cereal of the customer’s choosing — there are 18 options — plus fruit, if you’re feeling healthy. Then come the toppings. The result “tastes like childhood,” says Kalliopi Kohas, who runs the Instagram food blog @foodiemuse.

If the shop’s wall of cartoon-playing TVs is any indication, regression is a purposeful theme at Milk & Cream. So is splurging, says co-owner Cory Ng. “We love seeing customers indulging in the cereals their parents never let them have because they were too sugary … We [let them] live out their childhood fantasies,” he explains.

That holds true even when customers’ ids get the best of them: Recently, the Milk & Cream team indulged a customer’s cavity-inducing request of Fruity Pebbles-Lucky Charms ice cream, loaded with gummy bears, Teddy Grahams, strawberries, bananas and strawberry sauce.

Greecologies, 379 Broome St. and 152 Second Ave.; 212-941-0100, Greecologies.com

Greecologies specializes in Greek yogurt, but don’t mistake its decadent frozen custards for diety fro-yo. The shop’s standout order is a so-weird-it-works pairing of vanilla-bean soft serve with sea salt and extra-virgin olive oil ($7). Or you can go rogue and order Greecologies general manager Aki Suzuki’s favorite: an “insane” vanilla-matcha twist with rose preserves. The ice cream is made in-house, with milk from pasture-raised cows from the Back to the Future farm in Westtown, NY.

Olmsted, 659 Vanderbilt Ave., Prospect Heights; 718-552-2610

Yes, you’ll be uncomfortably full after enjoying a plant-powered meal at Prospect Height’s acclaimed restaurant, Olmsted. But if you can deep-breathe your way through one of chef Greg Baxtrom’s exceptional cones ($5), it’ll prove to be worth the effort. Baxtrom fancies up his blends with flora from the restaurant’s on-site garden and greenhouse. Say yes to a vanilla-violet-and-strawberry twist with a rhubarb-infused hard-dip shell.

OddFellows Carnival at Chefs Club Counter, 62 Spring St.; 646-438-9172

At OddFellows’ new carnival-themed pop-up in Nolita, ice cream hipsters extraordinaire seek to answer the question, “What would state fair food wear if it were invited to a wedding?” — which no one has ever asked, but who cares? It’s tasty.

Two standout kooky cones include the Concession Stand, a craveable salted-caramel-popcorn concoction with chocolate pearls; and the Pink Dip, a raspberry-chocolate stunner glitter-bombed with Pop Rocks and gold dust (each $7.50). The pop-up is open through Labor Day.