Co-parenting with an ex is rarely going to be rainbows and sunshine. And while all parents only want what’s best for their child, emotions and previous experiences often come into play and affect how we handle some things.
One dad has posted to Reddit after his ex called him out for the quality of clothes he sends his daughter back home in… but is that really fair?
“I sent my daughter home in cheap clothes”
“I have a daughter Kiki with my ex-girlfriend Yvonne and have 50/50 shared custody,” the man wrote in his post.
“Every time Yvonne sends Kiki back home to me she is in dingy old clothes. They are either too small and cut so she can fit them, stained, have holes, too big, not weather appropriate (long sleeves in the summer), etc, and her shoes are always filthy.”
The man said he knows his partner makes less money than he does, so he sends a set amount of money each month. He also covers his daughter’s childcare/education expenses at the suggestion of his new wife, so all the funds he sends can go towards providing for his seven-year-old daughter.
The man says his ex-girlfriend accused him of creating a “toxic environment.” Getty Images“We didn’t want to send Kiki home in the clothes her mum sent her in so we started sending her home in clothes we purchased,” he continued, adding, “She would always send her home with the outfit ruined.”
The final straw was when the man’s new mother-in-law bought his daughter a new pair of shoes that came back a week later “completely ruined and muddy.” So the couple went out and bought a load of clothes from cheaper retailers to send to her mother’s place, and kept the more expensive items at their place… which did not go down well.
“Yvonne called us petty and said keeping tabs on clothes and shopping at ‘cheap stores to send to Mummy’s house’ is offensive to Kiki and creating a toxic environment,” he said.
“I just don’t want my daughter walking around looking a mess when she doesn’t have to. It’s embarrassing and I know it doesn’t make Kiki feel good.”
He said his daughter doesn’t see the difference in quality, but by keeping the better quality clothes at his place, he’s prolonging their life. He asked if his actions really make him “selfish and petty”.
“It’s not like she’s wearing rags”
People could understand why the dad did what he did with his daughter’s clothing.
“Yvonne, I think, purposely sees to it that the new clothes you send Kiki in are ruined,” commented one person. “Now she’s mad because you are sending Kiki to her in clothes where it won’t matter if they are ruined or not. She’s the AH [a–hole].”
Another suggested: “Start keeping a photographic record of your kid when she arrives. If you’re giving money for her needs, there’s no reason for her to be ragged and dirty all the time. There may be a misuse of the money you send as well as neglect involved.”
“Children are rough on clothing,” chimed in a third. “I don’t know what your ex-girlfriend is complaining about, does she expect you to shop at Nordstrom’s for a seven-year-old?”
And one person asked, “Don’t most kids have running around clothes that its OK to get dirty and then nice clothes for other times? Walmart, Target, etc are perfectly acceptable places to get kids’ clothes. It’s not like she’s wearing rags.”
