There’s a reason no parent raves about having teenagers, and that is because when you have a teenager, you can’t win. Toddlers throw tantrums, but reward you with hugs and kisses and heartwarming declarations of love. Not teenagers. No, with teens you will either be spending too much time with them, or not enough. You will be too controlling, or too lax; too cold, or too smothering; too uncool, or vile and embarrassing in your attempts to keep current.
And it doesn’t even matter if you’re one of the most famous women in the world and worth an estimated $800 million. There will still come a time when your teenage son is going to get pissed at just about everything you do.
Your name might be Madonna, but to him, it’s mud.
That’s a lesson the 57-year-old entertainer has apparently learned this month, when a very public custody battle erupted between her and ex-husband Guy Ritchie over their 15-year-old son Rocco. Sources say Rocco complains that Madonna is too controlling, and that he prefers living in London with his more low-key, chocolate-giving dad.
Now, parents of teens will tell you that part of the difficulty lies in knowing how much to back off and let your kid do their own thing. We can’t say whether or not Madonna is too controlling because 1.) she’s not our mom, and 2.) these above-mentioned “sources” might be other 15-year-old boys, a demographic hardly noted for its reliability.
Still, there is one thing Madonna can control — and that’s backing way, way off her son on social media. By which we mean not doing stuff like this:
and this
and this
Rocco, who was reportedly embarrassed by all her posts and her tendency to show him off like a trophy, blocked his mother on Instagram before deleting his account altogether. (Remember when teenagers rebelled with a good, old-fashioned stomp to their room and a slam of the door?)
A mother’s impulse to post lots of pictures of her child is not strange. Most mothers are obsessed with their kids. We’re just supposed to be better at masking it. With her Instagram posts, Madonna is saying, “Look! Look at him! I made him! This is my son — isn’t he amazing? That nose, those eyes, I made those! This beautiful creature is mine! Mine mine mine!”
But children are not ours. We’re given the opportunity to hold on to them for a little while before relinquishing them to the world, hoping they’re happy and well-adjusted. Parents are still working out how to incorporate their children onto social media; there are some who opt not to post any pictures of their kids on social media at all, and others who post only pictures their kids approve.
The teenage years are a time when kids are working out their own identity, needing to plant their flag in the sand. A big part of that involves deciding which pictures of yourself get posted — and by whom. Madonna might think she’s just being a proud mom, but to Rocco, it might come across as ownership. If the “Rebel Heart” entertainer wants to have a close relationship with her son, she’s going to have to let go — and quash some of the same qualities (hello, control and discipline!) that made her a name in the first place.
