During the past 17 years I have treated thousands of patients, including the homeless, government officials, men and women of every race, children, the elderly, minimum-wage employees and Fortune 500 CEOs. The central issue with which most have struggled is whether their likes and dislikes, talents and dreams, fears and hopes were identified and respected as young people.

This empathetic witnessing implies parents allowing children to become individuals with the freedom to think and act with confidence. This doesn’t mean letting kids run amok. It means not pinning them down to rigid expectations and creating a safe environment for them to discover who they are and act on it.

When children believe they need to sacrifice who they really are to be “loved,” they almost always make that deal with the devil. To grow up fearing you are an irritant to your parents, acknowledging they don’t truly love you, can be unbearable. Burying that pain can lead to depression, panic disorder, drug and alcohol dependence and other disorders.

How do you recapture the real you?:

1. Think of a hobby, interest or passion you gave up because it was forbidden or because someone had a “better” idea how you should express yourself.

2. Write down the traumas you’ve lived through, like the loss of a loved one. See if you can connect the turmoil with interruptions in your dreams for yourself.

3. Identify one self-defeating pattern that defined your parents’ lives that you may have reproduced in your life. Freeing yourself from replaying dramas may open up new paths of self-expression.

4. Take one step toward taking a chance in a relationship or moving in a direction you abandoned out of fear, frustration or embarrassment.

Our true selves are more powerful than any masks worn to win the false regard of others. Genuine self-love beats everything else, every day of the week.

Keith Ablow, MD, is a psychiatrist, Fox News Channel contributor and founder of livingthe truth.com. Contact him at info@keithablow.com.