Dear Post Man:

I broke up with a live-in boy friend of five years just before my 39th birthday. One issue was that he wanted kids and I was on the fence. The biggest issue was he loved me, but he didn’t like me. He was hyper-critical of everything I wore, said and did.

I have had several relationships since, including one long-distance for two years. My last relationship was with guy who was a bit crazy. We dated for four months, and got so close that we both freaked out — him over having to be responsible and me over being afraid of being hurt.

We still talk once in awhile. The other night we met for a drink. The conversation centered on intimacy and trust issues, and eventually got to our own break up. He’s truly a great person, but one with a lot of baggage. I definitely have my own, but am more willing to work through it and towards fixing this. I really do think I am meant to be with him, but am not sure I can trust him again.

What do you think?

Baggage in an understatement, I think you’re carrying some serious cargo.

Why did you feel the need to preface your question with all this superfluous information about your former live-in boyfriend? Or your several relationships since? Since there’s no real clarity in your query, I’m going to tell you what I think you need to hear:

People like to fall into the safety of the term “baggage” a bit too easily these days. It gives us a reason for why our relationships fail, when, sometimes, relationships fail just because they aren’t right. Baggage is nothing but past experiences. Without baggage we’d either still be in grade school, or we’d be socially stunted.

Quit putting yourself down – whether with your past relationships or your fear of intimacy. Who over 25 doesn’t have a fear of intimacy? Intimacy opens you up to hurt, and its human nature to protect yourself.

It would be a lot more productive to have faith. If you have faith in yourself and in the notion that when the right person comes along you’ll be willing to open yourself up to intimacy, then you’ll be even less likely to wallow in any hurt. If you really think you’re meant to be with your former, four-month long, loony lover then take the plunge: Quite hiding under the blanket of baggage, and open yourself up to the possibility of a lifelong relationship.

Have a dating dilemma? Ask the Post Man! E-mail your questions to postman@nypost.com