Imagine having your pick of the Met’s treasures — from its galleries to its storerooms — and putting together your own show.

Hey, it happened to Piotr Ukla´nski, who’s starring in not one exhibit but two: a survey of his slyly subversive photos, provocatively titled “Fatal Attraction,” and, in a second gallery, his selections from the Met’s collections.

For that he’s chosen about 80 photos, sculptures and paintings that dance around Freud’s favorite interlocking poles of sex and death. So explicit are some that the Met’s posted a parental advisory at the gallery entrance.

As well it should. You wouldn’t want your kids — or, for that matter, your mom — to eyeball, say, Larry Clark’s photo of a humping couple, Vivienne Westwood’s T-shirt of a naked footballer or Dora Maar’s scary, surrealist photo of a pale, flippered, fetal armadillo.

But there’s beauty here as well, notably Philippe Laurent Roland’s bust of a sleeping boy and Sarah Goodridge’s self-portrait of her own luminous, bared breasts.

Polish by birth, New Yorker by choice, Ukla´nski’s worked in many media — film, fiber, even pencil shavings — but he’s principally a photographer. Born in 1968, he’s been around just long enough to comment on all that’s gone before, often with bemused detachment.

Says Met curator Doug Eklund: “He uses cynicism the way a painter uses a paintbrush.”

Take his “Joy of Photography” series, which manages to honor and at the same time parody Eastman Kodak’s 1979 how-to manual. Ukla´nski’s soft-focus flowers look like Easter eggs, a coconut tree seems bent on self-flagellation and a buttery sun drips into a dark-blue sea.

Here and there are images of the artist himself. Look closely at that photo of a roaring tiger and Ukla´nski’s eyes stare back at you. As for that “skull” of interlocking female nudes: Dalí went down that road before, but Uklanski made it personal — it’s his own naked self there, in the middle.