“Carry around a cardboard cutout Victoria’s Secret model, and take tons of pics of you with her to post on Facebook.” — Nadine

“Tell everyone your girl got transferred to North Korea, so you’re trying the long-distance thing.” — Michaela

“Change your mom’s name on your phone to Britney or Sasha. Every time she calls to nag, show your boys your phone, so they think it’s a hot girl.” — Jay

“I’m pretty sure Manti Te’o’s girlfriend is available.” — Vick

“At the laundromat, steal girls’ underwear and leave it lying around your apartment. At least your cleaning lady will be convinced.” — Seth