According to amorous analyzers in the couch aisle at Ikea

“Almost all of my personalities find you attractive.” — Amber

“Can I get your number? I’m here for marriage counseling, but things aren’t looking good.” — Ben

“Want to cut out the middle man and lie on the couch at my place?” — Louis

“If you went out with me, I wouldn’t need antidepressants.” — John

“Do you have intimacy problems, too?” — L.K.