It’s bad enough looking like a tourist, but even worse when you open your mouth and totally butcher the name of the place.

And we’re not just talking trip-up-your-tongue foreign destinations, either — plenty are right here in the good old US of A. But not to worry, we’ll help spare you any such embarrassment with this primer to pronouncing places just like a local.

Now you’ll fit in just swell . . . as long as you leave the white sneakers at home.

Motor City, baby, is pronounced dih-TROYT, not DEE-troyt. And if you’re heading to the upper peninsula for vacation, Mackinac Island is mack-eh-NAW not mack-in-ACK.

This west Chicago suburb is pronounced as it’s spelled: dess plainz. (Des Moines, day moyne, is next door in Iowa.) And the state is il-uh-NOY: An easy way to remember it, there’s no noise in Illinois.

Same spelling, two different pronunciations: The capital of New Hampshire is CON-chord. The historic town in neighboring Massachusetts is conk-ERD, like conquered — though if you really want to sound like a local, it’s more like conk-AWD.

Speaking of Massachusetts, the state seems to have cornered the market on oddly pronounced towns — so much so that there’s even a website to help you out with the endless list.

Here are just a handful:

For Worcester, you have several options: woos-ter, woos-tah or wiss-tah. What’s a no-no: war-chest-er or war-ses-ter.
Peabody:pee-buh-dee, not pee-body — and say it as fast and as close to a single syllable as you can.
Scituate:sit-choo-it
Quincy:quin-zee, not quin-see
Woburn:woo-bin, not woe-burn

Home to the world’s largest naval base, the city is pronounced NOR-fok or NAW-fok not nor-FOLK. And while we’re talking Virginia cities, Staunton is STAN-tun and Gloucester is GLAW-ster.

It’s ne-VAD-ah, not ne-VAH-duh. Yet another thing Brian Williams got wrong.

Another state people always mispronounce. It’s OR-eh-gun, not or-eh-GONE. If there’s not a “Portlandia” skit about this yet, there should be.

OK, so there are as many ways to pronounce this city as there are women flashing themselves on Bourbon Street, but never ever refer to it as NAW-lins. Why? Because only tourists chugging Sazeracs in the French Quarter say it that way. Ditto New OR-lee-inz. Try: New or-LINZ or New or-LEENZ.

It’s kih-SIM-ee, not KISS-eh-mee (cause you might get slapped for being too forward).

Down in the keys, it’s EYE-la-more-ah-dah; though you may be tempted to pronounce it in a Spanish fashion, EESLA-more-ah-da, it’s wrong.

And though the first half’s easy — Boca — the second might trip you up: it’s rah-TONE not rah-TUN.

Now go order the early bird special.

Some towns you gotta forget about the Spanish you learned: It’s san PEE-dro not san pay-dro and san rah-FELL not san RAH-FA-el. Except when that Spanish would be helpful: La Jolla is la hoy-yah.

Everything’s bigger in Texas — and harder to pronounce, too. It’s BER-nee, BOO-ee, BYOO-duh and BER-net. And those are just the B’s! Check out the Texas Almanac’s pronunciation guide for the rest.

Do you see a tilde (~) over that “n” in Cartegena? No? That’s right, so don’t pronounce it like “mañana.” It’s simply kahr-tah-hey-NAH. And we’re talking about the South American country here, not Columbia, SC, or the District of Columbia, which, if you’ll note, is spelled — and thus pronounced — differently. Notice that second “o” in Colombia? That means it’s co-LOM-bee-ah not co-LUM-bee-ah.

Nic-ah-ra-GOO-ah not nih-kuh-rah-GWUH. Don’t be like the folks in this SNL skit. Ever.

Antigua:an-tee-GAH, not an-tee-gwah
Anguilla:an-gwil-ah (like vanilla) not an-gwee-lah
Curaçao:cur-ah-sow (ç makes an “ess” sound)
Nevis:nee-vis
St. Lucia:saint loo-shuh not loo-see-ah

Both acceptable: kap-ah-DOK-yah or kap-ah-doe-KEE-ah, but not kap-ah-doe-CHEE-ah.

It’s mel-buhne, not mel-born; briz-bin not briss-bane; and though hotly debated, most pronounce Cairns cans or kenz (just don’t drop an “r” in there).

Ed-in-burrah, not ed-in-bore-oh — or, God forbid, ed-in-burg.

It’s bur-ming-EM (not bur-ming-HAM), less-ter not lee-sess-ter, and BARK-sure not berk-shy-er.

The German capital is pronounced bear-LIN or bear-LEEN.

Don’t say it like those silly, ankle-exposing pants. It’s pronounced CAH-pree.

Ranse; cann or kenn (throw in an extra “n”); ex; kah-or; ren.

Home to green dragons, the Slovenian capital is Lyoo-BLEE-AH-nah.

Could be kuh-TAR; others say KUH-tar or cutter. “60 Minutes” even did a segment about it — which still doesn’t clear it up.

Mawl-deevz or mol-deevz.

REY-kyah-vik not RAKE-ah-vik.

We end with Wisconsin, because it’s the only place that has a dedicated website — complete with audio — to help you pronounce the state’s 190 cities, 400 villages, 1,260 towns and more — including all these tongue-tanglers: Kaukauna, Ashwaubenon, Mukwonago and Weyauwega.