Lewis Miller joked with his son as he opened his gas bill that the amount would likely give him a heart attack.

Then, he saw he’d been charged $8,095 for the first nine days of service on his new account for his apartment and practically did.

“I thought I was just going to lay down and die,” said Miller, of Zanesville, Ohio.

Red-faced gas officials corrected the bill.

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A middle-aged Tokyo man, found to be living with 10 young women, said he attracted them by reciting an incantation that came to him in a dream.

But cops aren’t so sure.

The 57-year-old man’s living arrangements came to light when another woman complained he had threatened her after she refused to join his harem.

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A horny German housewife says she’s working in a brothel because her husband has lost his sex drive.

“I like sex. I like it a lot, but my husband, Guenther, has no appetite for sex anymore and does it about once a year,” said Adelheid Kran, 58, of Berlin, who toils in a “mature ladies” cathouse.

“Guenther’s not thrilled about it, but . . . it’s not something I do full time, and I only have sex with the men I like. In a job like this, you have to keep a certain standard.”

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A bird expert has set up a matchmaking agency for pet parrots and says it’s a huge success, with 1,300 lonely squawking hearts already brought together.

“In the wild, parrots search out a life partner and then spend every minute of the day with them, but when they are kept as pets, they are mainly alone and get very depressed,” said Rita Ohnhauser.

“Birds experience love at first sight, just like humans.”

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British couples cause $625,000 in damages each year by having energetic sex – with one-third of lovers breaking something, and 10 percent of that group making insurance claims, a poll shows.

Damaged items include lamps, vases, curtains and, of course, beds. Injuries include carpet burns and back injuries.

Jacqueline Gold, of the Ann Summers adult-store chain, which commissioned the poll, said, “It’s fantastic that people are adventurous – but they need to be careful.”