Medical staffers threw a party that could wake up the dead – holding it in a hospital morgue.

They festooned an autopsy table with a white cloth, candles and bottles of beer. An investigation of Fredrikstad Hospital in Norway has been launched.

Nobody thought twice about the plastic bag floating on the surface of a lake in Brazil – until they heard some eerie cries.

Passers-by in Belo Horizonte used tree branches to fish the bag out and found an abandoned 2-month-old girl inside – shaken, but otherwise OK.

“It’s a miracle she survived the heat and somehow didn’t drown,” said Dr. Claudia Guimaraes.

Cops tracked down the mom, who said she’d given the girl to a group of homeless people because she didn’t have enough money to raise her.

A frustrated doctor has shut his failing New Zealand medical practice – and will reopen it as a brothel.

Neil Benson, who’ll offer high-class hookers at his new cat house north of Auckland, said, “It’s about providing a private service and maintaining confidentiality, which is what my medical practice was about. So it’s not a big leap, really.”

That means patrons, instead of opening wide and saying, “Ahhh,” will be saying, “Ooooh!”

Housewife Patience Shelley, who regularly used a broom handle to clear out a blocked drain, is lucky to be alive.

It turned out the obstruction was a 12-pound, unexploded World War II bomb.

Seventeen houses in Newport, England, had to be evacuated as bomb squad workers gingerly removed it.

“Every time it rained, I would thrust the broom in the drain to help clear the water. It’s scary to think there was a shell in it,” said Shelley, 37.

Lithuanian border police patrolling the frozen Nemunas River were stunned to see an ice skater in a white kimono gliding across from neighboring Kaliningrad, Russia.

Turns out he was hauling a sled of illegal cigarettes.

Police said they arrested the kimono guy and another skater for trying to glide into Lithuania with nearly 10,000 cigarettes.