Cops in Fort Worth, Texas, are looking for a suspect with bad grammar after a burglar broke into Linens ‘n Things, stole cash from the safe and left a smarmy, but horribly misspelled, birthday card.

The card, next to a partially eaten cake, read, “Happy B-Day, From Ur Friendy Rooftop Boogler, 2-14-06.”

Gee, on Valentynz Dey, to boot!

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Speaking of crime, a note inside a house in Kelso, Wash., made it clear to sheriff’s deputies that they had the right place: “Do not open door and let anyone in! Stolen stuff visible.”

Within a day, investigators confirmed that antiques, furniture, jewelry, credit cards and at least 19 guns found in the home of Gerald Levertt Mack, 40, had been stolen from at least 12 people.

“Nothing like helping us figure out what’s going on,” said Deputy Charles Rosenzweig.

And, hey, everything was spelled correctly.

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When Daisy Judy and John Franko walk down the aisle, they’ll have plenty of witnesses – all dead.

The couple, both 62, are tying the knot at the Springfield, Ohio, funeral home where they met while attending grief-support meetings after the deaths of their own spouses.

“It sounds odd, but we’ve grown so accustomed to the place,” Judy said.

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Young Canadians are practicing a new style of safe sex, and the only touching required involves a keyboard.

Of more than 2,500 university and college students polled across Canada, 87 percent say they’re having sex via instant messaging, Web cams or the telephone.

OK, but do they respect their gadgets in the morning?

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Seventeen inmates at a Russian prison took drastic action when they were told they could no longer watch their favorite TV show because it was moved to a later time slot.

They slashed their wrists in protest.

But their bloody actions didn’t do any good – all are fine and “The Zone” – a prison-based drama – is no longer seen at Prison Camp 2 in Yekaterinburg.