Francis Stephenson of Chester, S.C., has come real close to winning a combined $340 million in two Powerball drawings, but he’s lost out both times.

But don’t shed a tear for him: he won a $1 million runner-up prize in 2005, and amazingly just took another second-place jackpot, this time for a “mere” $400,000.

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An 18-year-old Wisconsin thief suffered severe burns after he and an equally dopey pal lit a match as they tried to steal gasoline from a lawnmower.

As they tried to siphon the fuel in the dark, they lit the match amid the fumes and – surprise! – set off a small explosion.

The other thief wasn’t hurt. Cops caught up with them at a hospital.

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Police in England are searching for a couple using a speedboat as a floating brothel.

Bathers have noticed that men swim out for romps in the ship’s cabin.

“You know something’s going on,” said a witness, when “men swim out one at a time and emerge after an hour or so.”

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A bat set off a fire alarm in a German highway tunnel, sparking a traffic nightmare.

Police said the flying mammal apparently landed on the smoke detector and set off the alarm that led to the hellish highway backup.

After emergency crews searched in vain for signs of a blaze but found only the hanger-on, the tunnel was reopened.

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Vietnamese fishermen illegally poaching in Malaysian waters got caught because they flew a decoy Malaysian flag – upside down.

Local fishermen tipped off authorities who detained the 13 Vietnamese crewmen and seized the seafood catch worth approximately $2,000.