Two dead-drunk South African men hopped in a hearse and took a stiff for a joy ride, officials said.

“It is a shocking thing to realize there are people who could steal a hearse with a dead person inside,” the relieved hearse owner said. “What kind of people are these?”

John Dlomo from the Soweto police said the men were caught when the hearse ran out of gas.

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Men endowed with plentiful and pliable facial hair competed in the annual World Beard and Moustache Championships in Britain.

German whiskers dominated the event by winning nine of the top prizes.

Elmar Weiser took top honors for his beard, which was groomed to look like London’s Tower Bridge.

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Last month, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said he was moving clocks 30 minutes ahead. Now he wants to kill Superman.

Chavez is trying to ban parents from choosing names like Superman for their children.

Officials warn that attempts to use inappropriate names might be turned down by the civil registry if they “expose them to ridicule, are extravagant or difficult to pronounce.”

Elections officials said there are two Venezuelans by the name “Superman.”

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Malaysian cabbies face up to $87 fines if they are caught driving without socks or shoes, officials said yesterday.

The dress code requires taxi drivers to tuck in their shirts – which have to be white, not the beige that many have been wearing.

Pants must be dark, no sandals are allowed, and shoes must be leather ones worn with socks, said Licensing Board Chairman Datuk Markiman Kobiran.

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Four Swiss prisoners made a clean escape when they busted out using a bar of soap.

Inmate “Skinny” Bert Bruegger, 20, stripped naked and rubbed soap all over his body to squeeze through the food hatch in his cell.

Once outside he opened the doors for three of his pals in the neighboring cells at the prison in Kreuzlingen.

Wardens only noticed the next morning and police have so far managed to catch just one of the escapees.