The empire has truly fallen – nearly half of young adults in Britain have no idea how to boil an egg.

A survey by Farmhouse Breakfast Week revealed that only 51 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds polled knew that it takes only three minutes to soft-boil an egg.

“This survey shows just how far people have lost touch with Britain’s food heritage and that many aren’t capable of boiling an egg or grilling bacon or cooking sausages correctly,” said chef Brian Turner.

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Must have been a slow day at the Austrian Supreme Court when judges definitively ruled that a chimpanzee is not a person.

An animal-rights group had tried to have a chimp declared a person so the activists could gain guardianship of it, because the shelter where the critter had lived for 25 years was going bankrupt.

Donors had raised money, but under Austrian law, only a person can receive such gifts.

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I vant a smaller bus.

Tourist officials in Transylvania spent nearly $400,000 on a deluxe tour bus for Dracula sightseeing tours, only to discover it can’t fit through the city’s gates.

“Unbelievably, nobody ever thought to measure the gates and compare it with the height of the bus,” said a councilor in the village of Braslov.

“It’s a complete waste of money. We have no idea what to do now.”

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There’s nothing more powerful than 1,000 pounds of angry beef.

A Vietnamese water buffalo went on an hourlong rampage, destroying food stalls and goring four people before police shot it to death.

“It hit everything in its way,” said Do Vuong, chief of Tu Son township. “I haven’t seen anything like that before.”

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A New Zealand man was charged with drunken driving for motoring around town on his lawn mower after having a few cocktails, police said.

“I thought I was safe,” said Richard Gunn, 52, whose driver’s license had already been suspended following an earlier DWI bust.

Even though bicycles were able to speed past him, Gunn – whose blood alcohol level was double the legal limit – was still breaking the law.