Stop the presses.

Utah police who stopped a driver were surprised to find a coin-operated street dispenser full of Deseret Morning News newspapers in his back seat.

The man – who was charged with DUI – admitted stealing the newspapers in Beaver Dam, Ariz., and was taking them to Cedar City, Utah, to sell them.

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The mayor of Alice, Texas, has resigned after it was revealed she kept a neighbor’s Shih Tzu for three months after claiming it had died while she was dog-sitting.

Grace Saenz-Lopez, who has renamed the dog Panchito from Puddles, still refuses to return the pooch, because she believes he will die if he goes back to his original owner.

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Dutch inventors have created a fuel-pumping robot that they hope to have filling tanks at several gas stations in the Netherlands by the end of the year.

“I was on a farm, and I saw a robotic arm milking a cow. ‘If a robot can do that, why can’t it fill a car tank?’ I thought,” said developer and gas-station operator Nico van Staveren. “Drivers needn’t get dirty hands or smell of petrol again.”

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Cops in Myanmar have ordered DVD hawkers not to sell the new “Rambo” – which features Sly Stallone’s angry vet taking aim at that nation’s repressive regime – but the flick is still making a splash there.

“People are going crazy with the quote, ‘Live for nothing, die for something,’ ” said one resident of the former Burma, where the fourth “Rambo” installment is widely available despite the official ban.

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Let us pr-, ha, ha, ha!

A group of clowns in face paint, polka-dot bow ties, fright wigs and tiny hats gathered in a London church for a service in memory of the father of modern clowning.

One clown rode down the aisle of Holy Trinity Church on a unicycle, and chaplain Roly Bain blew bubbles from the pulpit as they remembered Joseph Grimaldi, the 18th-century mime, acrobat, magician and clown who is credited with inventing the white face paint and two red triangles that many clowns use.