Happy anniversary. We’re really stuck on you.

The big news in Manchester, NH, yesterday was a parade through town marking the 50th anniversary of Velcro.

Former and current employees of Manchester-based Velcro USA lined up for more than a mile to rip apart 8-inch lengths of the company’s famous hook-and-loop fasteners.

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There are better crowds to hang around with if you have sticky fingers.

A Bismarck, ND, man was busted when he tried to walk off with a screwdriver set and a gold bracelet that he lifted from a police auction.

You might say he was in a fix.

In any event, he was charged with theft.

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You think?

A judge in Halifax, Nova Scotia, ordered a homeless man to undergo psychiatric evaluation after the vagrant dropped his pants in court and asked the judge to perform oral sex on him.

Oh, by the way – the man, 40-year-old Joel David Arseneau, was facing sex-assault charges.

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They must be soft on crime in England.

A criminal who escaped from a jail turned himself in after three days because he said he found life easier on the inside.

And why not?

Wesley Crawford, 42, was serving 12 years for robbery – and was enjoying three square meals a day, a TV in his room, and access to a pool table, pingpong table and gym.

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Listen, mate, you’d better get your priorities straight.

An Australian man was arrested after police pulled him over and noticed that he had wrapped a seatbelt around a case of beer – but not his 5-year-old son.

When asked about what he was doing, the man said “he didn’t know anything about it,” cops said.