Relying on a designated driver may have been the only smart thing this clown did.

Police in Blountville, Tenn., say Randy Lewis, 43, told them he’d had 15 beers, so he asked a 10-year-old boy drive his van. The poor kid flipped the vehicle while going 90 mph. No one was badly hurt. Lewis posed for his mug shot wearing this T-shirt, whose message was anything but humorous in light of the situation.

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A Wisconsin cop charged with setting fire to a vacant building is set to wed one of the firefighters who put out the blaze.

Melissa Kronebusch, of Saukville, allegedly set the fire and drove away, only to return minutes later and radio in a report. She will marry her flame, Michael Guerin, on Friday.

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A woman in Pocatello, Idaho, is searching for a new route to work after getting into two car accidents at the same intersection. In both cases, the other driver ran a red light. Kris Payne suffered minor injuries.

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An Englishwoman spent nearly $2,500 on radiation treatments for her chicken after it developed cancer.

“If we hadn’t done anything, she would have had maybe two or three months to live,” Elaine Denney said.

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German zookeeper Renate Klosse was cleaning out a reptile pen when a 12-foot python lunged at her and clamped onto her face. It let go when others sprayed it with water. Klosse was treated for bites and shock.